BioWare! Just fucking take my money! Take my money. Release these remastered editions. Watch me lap at your feet like the little classless, begging Mass Effect trollop that I am.
Hell yeah. Take this for what it’s worth — I’m taking it to be legit. A fan who was privy to a special meeting at PAX has dropped details regarding the next Mass Effect. And I’m sprung.
Welcome to the Cascade of Nonsense. The white noise that keeps us complacent, ’cause otherwise we might be getting jittery. Someday you’ll die, someday we’ll exhaust this rotting Blue Marble, someday the sun will smirk before burning us up anyways. It’s all dumb and pointless and so we’re tasked with kicking it absurdity. Finding our own meaning, demanding our own purpose, but really probably just manufacturing our own cultural opiates to keep us numb to these nonsensical factoids of the world.
This is Monday Morning Commute. What composes your armature of pointlessness? How are you surviving this week? Hit me.
It’s N7 Day! You know, November 7. Like, tying into Mass Effect. All that happy horseshit. Eh, whatever! Just enjoy this nonsense. Some glorious Jane Shepard cosplay, reminding everyone that Shepard was the most righteous.
…I can relate, man. Or how about fifteen slices of pizza on a Friday night? Or two pounds of Laffy Taffy while refreshing Tumblr for nine hours on a Saturday evening? None happened this previous weekend, all of happened at one point in my life. This isn’t about shaming, though. It’s about coming together as a bunch of flesh-sacks trying to make it on this Blue Marble. This isn’t about wallowing. It’s about embracing the absurdity, the rot, the excess, the loneliness, the glee, the victory, the defeat.
This is Monday Morning Commute.
Despite the ending. I miss Mass Effect. I miss the fucking Citadel. I miss biotics. I miss the Universe. A lot. So Jesus Christ BioWare, give me something to get a Mass Erection over.
I say goddamn! An intrepid soul has created a life-sized Jack from Mass Effect 3. Now while I generally create my life-sized totems out of butter, leaves from an oak tree, and seminal fluids, this superior geek took a more esoteric route. Paper.
I have no idea the source of this image/cosplayer (and if you do, please let me know), but I do know one thing. This beautiful combination of latex and human is proof that God is both Good and a Latex Fanatic such as myself.
It’s neat enough that the Gears of Bro: Judging You producer is helming the Mass Effect franchise. It’s even neater that this is freeing up the creators of the series to strike out into a new franchise. A new world! A whole new world, filled with dialogue choices and reputation systems!
This news dropped last week, but I didn’t cover it. I was probably busy screaming at teenagers to “read their fucking book” and gagging myself with bananas behind the local 7-Eleven. Shut up, it’s therapeutic. Anyways, the senior producer on Gears of War: Judgment has departed Those Epic People to glom onto Mass Effect 4.