One of the surprising things about Mass Effect 3 was how fucking awful its conclusion was. Another surprising thing about Mass Effect 3, though, was how fun its multiplayer was. So bring it on!
Could I have integrated this post into my first Mass Effect blathering of the day? You bet your ass! But I want it sequestered. For easy access. For ogling. For touching. For nodding. For no good but yes fun.
C’mon, BioWare. Stop fucking around with me, and Mass Effect 4. You’re “discussing” this shit at this year’s SDCC? The fuck does that mean? Bro I need footage. I need footage stat.
BioWare! Just fucking take my money! Take my money. Release these remastered editions. Watch me lap at your feet like the little classless, begging Mass Effect trollop that I am.
Hell yeah. Take this for what it’s worth — I’m taking it to be legit. A fan who was privy to a special meeting at PAX has dropped details regarding the next Mass Effect. And I’m sprung.
Welcome to the Cascade of Nonsense. The white noise that keeps us complacent, ’cause otherwise we might be getting jittery. Someday you’ll die, someday we’ll exhaust this rotting Blue Marble, someday the sun will smirk before burning us up anyways. It’s all dumb and pointless and so we’re tasked with kicking it absurdity. Finding our own meaning, demanding our own purpose, but really probably just manufacturing our own cultural opiates to keep us numb to these nonsensical factoids of the world.
This is Monday Morning Commute. What composes your armature of pointlessness? How are you surviving this week? Hit me.
It’s N7 Day! You know, November 7. Like, tying into Mass Effect. All that happy horseshit. Eh, whatever! Just enjoy this nonsense. Some glorious Jane Shepard cosplay, reminding everyone that Shepard was the most righteous.
…I can relate, man. Or how about fifteen slices of pizza on a Friday night? Or two pounds of Laffy Taffy while refreshing Tumblr for nine hours on a Saturday evening? None happened this previous weekend, all of happened at one point in my life. This isn’t about shaming, though. It’s about coming together as a bunch of flesh-sacks trying to make it on this Blue Marble. This isn’t about wallowing. It’s about embracing the absurdity, the rot, the excess, the loneliness, the glee, the victory, the defeat.
This is Monday Morning Commute.
Despite the ending. I miss Mass Effect. I miss the fucking Citadel. I miss biotics. I miss the Universe. A lot. So Jesus Christ BioWare, give me something to get a Mass Erection over.
I say goddamn! An intrepid soul has created a life-sized Jack from Mass Effect 3. Now while I generally create my life-sized totems out of butter, leaves from an oak tree, and seminal fluids, this superior geek took a more esoteric route. Paper.