Here is hoping that the Mayans are right! Or rather, the panicked white people glomming onto misinterpretations of Mayan calendars. For if they are not, Jimmy Cameron is going to slather digital celluloid with two movies of utter fecal matter.
Man, Avatar 2 and Avatar 3 were garbage. Garbage! Jimmy Cameron doesn’t care though, and he is already running his mouth about the fourth title. Shit. Pause that record. Jimmy hasn’t even broken ground on the second flick, and he is already talking about Avatar 4: Back in the Days? Let us never say he lacked hubris.
The hardest part about so much time passing between these Avatar movies is finding people still willing to dress up blue and fuck me with their tails. It was the hot shit at first. People were doing it in droves. Now that time has passed? Shit me. Whole scene has dried up like a successfully strip mined Pandora. Get it? That was the name of the dumb world, right?
Condemn all of this to some mucus-caked floor in Hell. James Cameron isn’t just bringing the world an Avatar sequel. Or two. Homeboy is dropping three on us, filming them all back-to-back-to-back. It’s just like Lord of the Rings except awful and filled with garbage.
I wish that James Cameron would keep doing awesome things like going to the deepest point in the ocean and planning to mine the shit out of space rocks. This would keep me from having to contemplate the salt-and-peppered bastard as a movie maker, which quickly gets my Hulk going.
Ah, we’re living in the future indeed. It’s official. It’s official! James Cameron, Google and a gaggle of other wealthy individuals-institutions-whatever are taking us asteroid mining.
Yeah, I dog on James Cameron a lot. I admit it. However, I’m also ready to give anyone their due when they pull off a work of frosty hotness. Frosty. Hotness. That’s exactly what Cameron did on his Marianas run, and it’s also what he did when he built his own cameras to capture the effort.
James Cameron loves the fuck out of the Titanic. Sometimes he quietly slips into his little underwater scooter thing, pilots down to the wreckage and makes sweet slow love to his hand. Cameron’s sea cucumber enjoys a moment of spillage, and up, up, up he goes. One of the products of this love is a new animation showing how the beauty sank all those years ago.
The sequels for Avatar was supposed to start dropping on our futile simian brains starting in 2014. They would herald the unfurling of the fourth dimension in cinema, and allow James Cameron to ride a pile of baby corpses all the way to his secret base on Mars. The problem with mastering the 4D is that it takes some time, and it appears that Avatar 2: I See You Ethnographic Stare is going to be a smidge late.
I’ve heard Neil deGrasse Tyson rail against an inaccuracy in Titanic several times in my travels. His ability to pick up things like the patterns of the stars in the sky in a movie is considerably bad ass, and he has leveraged that into several rants on accuracy. I just never expected his rants to turn into changes.