Fuckkk! I can’t think of a drink I’d rather burn my brain out on more than a fucking Darth Vader energy drink. Burn out my synapses with the power of the Dark Side!
Listen. The inflation hitting Imperial credits affects all of us. Even the Dark Lord of the Sith himself. It’s gotten so bad that the man had to rob a bank before fleeing on his BMX.
May 25, 1977. I suspect few of us were even born yet. Even if, like me, your first exposure was the Special Editions in ’97, or an overused VHS copy from the ’80s, it was likely a definitive and defining element of most of our childhoods.
It’s only 15 degrees Fahrenheit outside.
While I don’t have to worry about stray probe droids or wampa attacks, I can’t help but feel like I’m trapped on Hoth. I keep starting my car, just to make sure that its hyperdrive hasn’t been deactivated. After all, I’m going to have to get the fuck out of the driveway once Vader and his crew roll up.
They don’t mess around.
Okay, so I don’t have to worry about the Dark Lord of the Sith tossing my dessicated corpse into a snowbank. But I also don’t have the benefit of taking a dip in a bacta tank. So how am I, a regular fanboy without any mastery of the Force, supposed to survive the frozen hell that is the Bostonian January?
Why, with the sweet warmth of alcohol! On this early Sunday afternoon, I’m tossing back a bottle of the oak-aged elixir that is Innis & Gunn Original.
C’mon Chewie, punch it!
Listen!, are you really surprised that Darth Vader is doing Korean commercials? Do you have any idea how shitty government pay is? Especially when it’s the Emperor who decides raises? Dude has to make some cash on the side.
There’s a point where you need to begin to learn to laugh at the travesties. This video infuses classic movies with the horrendous Darth Vader “Nooooo!” which once was only in Ep. III but has since infiltrated The Trilogy.
It’s good shit.
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
In 1977, moviegoers were introduced to Darth Vader – an evil, robotic space-samurai capable of manipulating an invisible shroud of mystical energy that blankets the entire universe. Oh, and he also has a goddamn laser-sword.
In 1999, Jake Lloyd was given the opportunity to play the childhood incarnation of Darth Vader – a little boy named Anakin Skywalker. Lloyd comes across as an overly-optimistic, stiff, terribly scripted, and ultimately unaffecting playground-dweller.
In 2002 and 2005, Hayden Christensen took hold of the reins as he played the part of teenyboppin’ pre-Vader. Through his performances, Christensen proves that the Dark Lord of the Sith was once an unnecessarily moody, stiff, terribly scripted, and ultimately unsympathetic teenager.
It’s a question none of us want to think about…
Who’s better – Jake Lloyd or Hayden Christensen?
I can’t wait to see the comments on this one.