OH SWEET BABY ZEUS RIDING A UNICORN. The second issue of Nate Simpson’s Nonplayer is officially in the bag. And if that doesn’t excite you, up your fucking game. No seriously it was pretty easy to miss. But this is dope.
What the fuck is Cryptolicious? A man’s fried brain desperately trying to come up with a title. That same man’s brain failing. But efforting anyways, promising itself it’ll at least keep functioning until the large chicken parmesan calzone arrives. Soon: food. But now: cryptocurrency news.
The Marketing Gurus at Disney-Star-Wars corp have dropped an initial slurry of Episode VII character names on our asses. And they’ve done it in a bit of a genius way. The names are revealed on old “trading cards” the company provided to Entertainment Weekly. Take the names for what they are. Both Boyega and Riddle’s character cards don’t feature last names. So there’s something Abrams afoot. (If her last name isn’t Organa or Solo I’ll eat my fucking shoe.) Anyways.
It’s 12:09 on Thursday morning. That means this particular morsel of Sony Leakgate has been out for a day. Or roughly 3,000,000 years in Internet Time. BUT FUCK IT. I RUN THIS ROOST. And this roost wants to talk about the absurd glory that would be this team-up movie.
Sony, who can’t see to do fucking anything right according to all the treasure troves of leaked emails, rebuffed Marvel’s advances regarding their arachnid superhero. Despite burying Parker in the fucking melange of fecal matter, peppered with bits of corn and overwrought sentiment known as Amazing Spider-Man 2, Sony didn’t see the obvious benefit that would befall their franchise should Spider-Man appear in a legitimate Marvel movie.
This movie looks to be out of its fucking mind. Like, the visuals alone will carry the flick to glory if it can deliver even a semblance of a fucking coherent plot.
Next month Star Wars #1 is dropping on shelves, kicking off Marvel’s newly formed alliance with The Force. I had sort of expected it to sell a good amount, but apparently the fucker is going to be the highest selling comic in twenty years.
Can this movie just come out now? Maybe? Please?
Normally I’d be all bummed out about a creator I love signing an exclusive contract with one of the Big Two. You know. Can’t do their own thing. Playing around with someone else’s mythos. Blah blah blah. But I’m bipolar, and I’m also happy G. Willow Wilson has been rewarded for the sheer wonderful nature of her writing.