#Books

Alan Moore finishes million-word novel’s first draft

Alan Moore.

Alan Moore has finished the first draft of his novel, Jerusalem. And it’s more than a million words. God Save The Editor! And God help whomever decides to delve into this albatross.

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R.L. Stine writing new ‘Fear Street’ books; 12 year-old me fist-pumps

Fear Street.

Sure we all loved Goosebumps, but it was R.L. Stine’s “more mature” book series Fear Street that gave me some of my earliest adolescent shocks, and boners. Now it appears that Stine is bringing the series back. Here’s to more shivers, shocks, boners, and funny feelings!

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Tolkien’s 88 year-old ‘BEOWULF’ translation finally published

BeoWulf.

Oh shit! Tolkien’s 88 year-old translation of “Beowulf” is finally seeing the light of day! I can’t fucking wait! In all honesty I didn’t even know this shit existed. However, it is certainly fucking cool that we will see the Hobbit King’s translation of a work which Surely Influenced Him. GOOD LUCK fucking topping HEANEY’S TRANSLATION THO, bro.

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Warren Ellis’ NEW F**KING NOVEL, ‘NORMAL’ has been revealed

Normal!

How the fuck has this news been out in the Nether-Webs for two days without me noticing it? I’d be more outraged, but frankly all the chemicals in my system are murmuring “shh, shh, slumber now” in my psychological ear. So instead I’m just going to be FUCKING STOKED at the news that Ellis’ next novel has been revealed. Then go to bed. Immediately. Maybe dream of the bearded one, hovering over me. Maybe rubbing my ears, helping me along the road to Morpheus’ haunts.

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Monday Morning Commute: Oh, I’ll Tell You About the Goddamn Rabbits.

The Goddamn Rabbits

Aloha!

Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! What do we do here? Well, we discuss the various bites of nonsense we’ll be crammin’ into our skull-holes. Why do we have to do this? Well, if we don’t surround our brain-bones with inspiring, ridiculous, entertaining detritus, then there’s a chance that the bad vibes might get in. And bad vibes are to minds what termites are to wood.

You remember what the termites did to Grampy’s pirate leg, right?

So hop into the frenzy and show off what you’ll be doin’ this week!

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Monday Morning Commute: The Hero We Need.

The Hero We Need.

Life is tricky and heroes help out.

There’s no doubt that there’re plenty of problems to be had. Even the strongest amongst us is still, ultimately, an insatiable consciousness traveling in a meek meat-vehicle. While many are bound to experience transcendence at some point, all must deal with turmoil. Hell, dealing with bullshit might be the very yarn woven throughout the entire fabric of the human experience.

“We are all bitched from the start,” Hemingway once wrote.

Luckily, the variety of problems running amok is matched by an equally impressive assortment of heroes. There’re all different sortss, some real and some fictional and others somewhere in between. What do they do? Well, right now they’re at work doin’ medical research and teachin’ guitar and writin’ plays and demonstratin’ the high-jump and makin’ pots of coffee and intermediatin’ conflicts and givin’ earnest advice and huggin’ it out. So if it seems like shit’s gettin’ mad-daunting, keep your eye out for a hero.

In the same letter mentioned above, Hemingway instructed his friend to “Forget your personal tragedy.”

That friend was F. Scott Fitzgerald.

My hero du jour? Michael Keaton. As a self-diagnosed maniac (diagnose yourself otherwise the man with the clipboard will tell you what you are), I need my inspiration to come from superheroes and ghouls and Tarantino characters. So, Keaton’s pretty perfect.

Us maniacs, we need Michael Keaton.

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Welcome to the MMC. I’m goin’ to show you some stuff I’ll be doin’ this week. Check it out and then hit up the comments section and describe what you’ll be rockin’ in the upcoming days.

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Opinions Vary: Why I Read Real Books

Books.

When you pick up a novel, you basically know what you’re going to get: some characters, a setting or two, probably some discernible overriding theme—you know, the bare necessities of storytelling. These components are in any narrative concoction; whether it’s good or not is usually all a matter of mixing it up the right way. And there in the middle, moving them all about in some dramatically interesting fashion, is the conflict. Conflict can be a make-or-break element because a story’s clashes and bashes and gnashes propel everything and really make the story come to life. But for me there’s an even more primary conflict attached to this whole process, one that exists outside story itself: summoning the strength to actually pick up the novel to read in the first place. And, if you don’t mind, this conflict is what I’d like to investigate here today.

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Japanese ‘SNOW CRASH’ book covers are totally 1337

Righteous

Weird pop culture intersectionality today upside my head. While Googling for a Snow Crash cover to post over in my Sony vs. Oculus Rift post, I stumbled across these gorgeous covers for the Japanese edition of the novel. The weirdest part is that it was on also-personal-hero-alongside-Stephenson Brandon Graham’s…LiveJournal. The Internet is strange, man.

Check the covers after the jump.

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Monday Morning Commute: Vinegar & Wine.

Vinegar & Wine

Servin’ a life-sentence on Spaceship Earth is a tedious, painful, agonizing wonder.

Why’s that? For one thing, there’s the fact that everyone you love will die. Your best friend. Your kid sister. Your longtime mistress. Your high school math teacher.

Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

Along the way you’re guaranteed to deal with inevitable body-breakdown. Maybe you’ll abuse your body. Maybe somebody else will fuck it up. Even if you think you’re unscathed, the sands of time are wearing away at your flesh-vehicle’s gears. Every single day. Every single moment. Until when, you ask?

Until they’re so smooth that they don’t move shit.

But alas! There’s hope! Even those of us who’re agin’ more like vinegar than wine have a fightin’ chance at experiencin’ glory! Not only are we fortunate enough to have been imbued with consciousnesses, but we get to live in a hyperreal future! Are things royally fucked up? Sure! But we live in times in which anything is possible!

So if you start to feel a chill as an existential shadow lurks over your shoulder, spin around and blast that motherfucker with a science fiction repulsor ray!

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Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! I’m goin’ to show off this week’s strategies for keeping me pleased with existence. I suggest you liven up the party by entering the dance circle that is the comments section.

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J.K. Rowling: Hermione should have gotten with Harry. Oh word?

wut.

If you’re one of those people who was all “Hermione+Ron OTP for lyfe bruh!“, J.K. Rowling is shitting on your Potter existence. Years after the Potter Saga ended in a shit-confetti explosion of fan service in that god forsaken epilogue, Rowling is coming out and saying she got the Hermione relationship wrong.

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