#August2015
John Wick is getting a VR first-person shooter
John Wick is getting a fucking VR first-person shooters. I don’t think I’ll ever play this game. But I love the news. Fucking *love* it. You see, I had my doubts anyone would even give a fuck about the wonderful movie. Now it’s getting a goddamn sequel. And a fucking VR game.
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Final ‘Oculus Rift’ Requirements: “$800” Gaming PC for full experience
Oculus has revealed the requirements for their Oculus Rift, and according to Gizmodo it’s an “$800 PC.” First off, I suppose that’s not that bad. I mean, can you put a price on haptic-suit transhuman cyber sex? And second off, who knows how much all of the junk required for the rig will run when the Rift actually drops.
Finished Oculus Rift hitting shelves first quarter next year
Finally! We know a pseudo-date for when we will be able to buy our Oculus Rifts. Don our haptic bodysuits. And bang one another in a virtual bathrub while the Kool-Aid man urinates delicious drink all over us! Next year!
Sony’s Project Morpheus VR headset droppin’ first quarter 2016
Sony’s put a pseudo-release date on their entry in the Johnny Mnemonic sweepstakes. The son of a bitch will be dropping in the first quarter of the year next.
Valve getting ready to drop ‘SteamVR.’ ALL THE VIRTUALITIES
Open up your checklist of companies getting into the VR game, and add one you were probably expecting. Valve!
Microsoft reveals the HoloLens, their stab at an augmented reality headset
‘Cause everybody is down with a fucking virtual-reality-augmented-reality-altered-reality-something-reality headset of their own these days. Microsoft’s iteration is more holodeck than it is virtual reality. And like Oculus Rift and all the others it seems cool enough, yeah, okay, but I’m not dying to own one.
Google Glass returning in 2015 with Intel powerin’ its guts
Google Glass! You poor sack of shit! You were cool for like nine minutes! But then Oculus Rift rolled up and nabbed the attention you were garnering. Pulled down your pants, dismissively flicked your beans, and then stole your bae. But apparently you ain’t taking this laying-lying-laying down. No! You sure ain’t, and 2015 is going to be your year. With your buddy Intel helpin’ out.
Oculus announces new VR prototype headset, Crescent Bay.
The Rift goes on, and on, and on! Oculus has revealed their latest prototype headset, named Crescent Bay. This son of a bitch is the next step towards next year’s consumer release. Titled, “Fat People Wall-Screens.”
Oculus Rift consumer version arriving by summer 2015
The Virtual Reality Distracticaust which promises to finally fully sublimate thinking in the name of all-consuming virtual distraction is coming, folks! I suppose you can tell my anxieties regarding the Oculus Rift, whose consumer version is due to arrive by next summer.
Aiight: Oculus building its own VR motion controllers.
I am not a smart man. So I didn’t really know if anyone else was stupefied by how Oculus and other VR Overlords were going to go about controlling their virtual realms. As a champion of teledildonics and shit, I was picturing some sort of fetishistic, haptic-feedback body suit. But I suppose motion controllers are cool too. (I guess.)
