#December2013
THE ROCK tweets about “BIG” DC RELATED MEETING. Don’t tease me, brah.
The Rock is going to enter the DC cinematic universe? Don’t tease me, brolo! Don’t do that. I mean, if there is anything that can save the Universe that Snyder and Goyer are Sinking it’s The Rock. Obviously? Now the big question is who would he play? For my money I’d have him play the big three. That’s right. Superman. Plastic Man. Zatanna.
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THE ROCK may star in ‘TERMINATOR 5’? GIVE ME YES PLZ.
It is no secret that I am a fan of The Rock. Let the tattoo of his perfect porcelain smile on my left ass cheek remind you. Let the burn-in of his Greatest Hits DVD on my plasma screen remind you. So fuck yeah, I am totally in line with giving the dude a role in the fifth Terminator movie.
‘FAST & FURIOUS 6’ FASTEST (NOS POWERED?) MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND EVER.
Fast & Furious 6 has suffered the glory of having the biggest Memorial Day weekend opening ever. Ever! Just think about that. Me? I’m fucking fine with it. In fact, I hope people read the news and begin uncontrollably vomiting all over themselves. I caught the film last night. Great fun. There was a time when the franchise took itself seriously, but with this latest installment it is clear they have lost their mind. Shitting on physics, bro-dude posturing everywhere. Gorgeous action sequences. Frankly, it’s everything I want in a popcorn flick. However, I may have lost my mind.
THE ROCK starring in HBO SERIES produced by Marky Mark. SO MUCH F**KING BRO.
There is so much goddamn bro going on in this post. The Rock starring in a fucking television show that is being produced by Marky Mark. So many protein shakes. So many reps on the bench.
‘PAIN & GAIN’ Red Band Trailer: LIFT WEIGHTS, ROB BANKS.
If you can’t get down with this raging homoerotic thriller starring two stalwart bros, god save your soul! However, if you can’t get down with this heist flick starring THREE MILLION GRAMS OF PROTEIN MADE MUSCLE, then even the Lord Almighty is powerless to carry you towards salvation. (Can you tell I want to see this movie?)
THE ROCK + Brett Ratner = ‘HERCULES’ in 2014. Oh, it’ll be a disasterpiece.
I like me some Rock. Dwayne Johnson. Whatever. However, Brett Ratner smells like twice-baked farts. Homeboy makes Michael Bay look like a fucking auteur. I said it! Come and get me. Pretty much anything that guy is attached to, I’m going to look at with a heavy slathering of skepticism. So with those two teaming up for Hercules, the outcome can only be prepared for.
The Dude’s High 5s: Warriors of the Squared Circle
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I spent the day in my PJs playing video games and watching crappy movies, so despite me not celebrating the holiday, my ritual didn’t change. Over the course of the day I wondered what other institutions I put aside when growing older. A big one for me was wrestling. I used to be a huge fan of it. I grew up in the Attitude era. For the uninitiated, this was like growing up a Celtics fan in the 60’s (from 1959-1969 they won 9 championships). I would always get offended when people would say that wrestling was fake, its not. Like ballet, it’s choreographed, but fake? No, the athleticism is real. Today mixed martial arts fills the void that wrestling used to occupy in my life. So to end my pointless ramblings here are my favorite wrestlers of all time. CAUTION, I will be using a lot of wrestling terms. If you don’t know what they are, feel free to look them up or ask in the comments.
OFFICIAL ‘FAST & FURIOUS 6’ images arrive. Flex and oil yourself, bros.
Oil your fucking shit! Get your best homoerotic pose on! Prepare for the blood bath of misplaced semen and phallic objects that is the newest installment in the Fast & Furious franchise. We got ourselves a fast-paced (ha!) batch of new images for you to chomp upon. Heck yeah!
THE ROCK Teases Potential DC Comics Superhero Movie. “BEFORE WATCHMEN: BEFORE THE BEFORE”, IMO.
With The Dark Knight Rises concluding the Nolan/Bale chapter in the Bat-Verse, the DC is looking like it has approximately no quality movie franchises at the moment. What are they to do? Bank on Zack Snyder? LOL. Seriously, c’mon now. Maybe! Just maybe though, The Rock can save them?
