Monday Morning Commute: It’s Sweatpants Season, Baby!

monday morning commute it's sweatpants season

Hey! You fucks! How are you all doing? During this week of Giving Thanks, amid the most rotten-ass year in memory? How are you all doing? During this week of a Blackest Friday, amid the most rotten-ass year of Fridays in memory? This guy? Truthfully, I’m fucking zonked, dude. My core feels hallowed out, and spread across the astral plane. I exist as a collection of core functions, shambling through the next couple of days. If I can make it to Thursday, I’m golden!

Then? On Thursday? I’m popping on a pair of joggers, pulling up a chair, and just fucking getting gluttonous. Consuming some Thanksgiving feast. Consuming some shitty movies with Bateman. Consuming some Spider-Man: Miles Morales.

I’m really just leaning into the concept of elastic waistbands and corpulence this week.

Tell me, what are your plans this week? Crushing some mashed potatoes? Crushing some Shadowlands? Crushing a backlog of comic books with your free time?

I want to know!

This is Monday Morning Commute, Thanksgiving Week Edition!

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Monday Morning Commute: Wherein We Eat Too Much and Be Thankful

monday morning commue eat too much

Hey friends! This begins one of my favorite stretches of the year. The Earth may be dark, yes. But, I’m spending this time of year blessedly sharing cozy rooms with too many calories, and loved ones. And, y’all are some of those loved ones as well! If the Space-Ship Omega is a small community, it’s certainly one that I count myself lucky to belong to. So, saddle-up next to the fire, and spend some time with me this week.

Here, at the Monday Morning Commute!

Tell me, what are you doing for Thanksgiving break?

Are you hitting the movies at all?

Using some (hopeful) time off to catch-up on some video games?

I want to know! I want to spend some time. The Earth is dark but the fire is warm, let’s hang out.

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Weekend Open Bar: Live Fat! Die Full! It’s The Only Way!

weekend open bar live fat die full

Hello, friends! It’s Weekend Open Bar! Pull a chair up to the hearth. Summon your favorite chemicals from the servo-droid behind the counter. Pop off your pants, oh, I know, they’re a bit tight from this week’s corpulence. And relax! Just straight-up fucking relax with me. Your co-host, your champion, your spirit-guide. Let us move together through a miasma of revelry, consumption, contemplation, and companionship.

What are you up to this weekend, comrades? Shoving any old ladies out of the way for a discounted blender at TarMart? Catching up on any stories on the TeleVisor? Trying to rationalize the utter depravity that is your diet these past few days?

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Monday Morning Commute: A Holiday Special On Ennui!

monday morning commute a holiday special on ennui

How’s it going, folks? Are you segueing into Corpulence Season well? You must prepare to fulfill your duty as a member of the Empire!

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

Hail, Hail, Hail!

Toe the line! Nay, stand in line! You must be checking out mentally while checking out virtually, physically! The form doesn’t matter, only the consumption! The filling and emptying of stomachs, shopping carts, bank accounts, guts, shelves, savings.

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

That’s a negative spin on the whole ordeal, isn’t it?

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Monday Morning Commute: As Cold As You Let It Be

As Cold As You Let It Be

Sweatpants, Diet Dew, a fire, a furry dog at my feet. Life ain’t bad, life ain’t bad generally. Going to keep this simple, on this simple evening. This is Monday Morning Commute, the column where we share what we’re up to during a particular week. The new movie we want to see. A comic book dropping on Wednesday we can’t wait to read. Et cetera et cetera et cetera. Going to keep this simple, on this simple evening.

I’ll go first, you’ll follow in the comments section. Fair? Fair. Fair!

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Buy These Flippin Comics!!! (11.27.13) – An Epic Pre-Thanksgiving Feast For Your Eyeholes


“On my signal, unleash Hell.”

So this is why last week was so dry, and why pull lists were weak – the industry was gearing up for the holiday season and the Black Friday LCS sales!  This week sees a thunderous ton of books dropping into our laps.  Every book that normally gets a “Omega Level Pick of the Week” all come out this week.  Huge events reach their conclusion.  Exciting new books drop to replace them.  Superman celebrates his 75th Anniversary.  Your wallets groan, your credit cards gnash their teeth, gift cards jump to their death.  So put your bibs on kids, this is the meal before your Thanksgiving meal.  Don’t gorge yourself, the trick is pacing – and the helpings are plenty.

Check out all the new releases HERE, and give your LCS a visit to see if they are offering any cool sales for the holiday season!

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Monday Morning Commute: Calories Are A Harsh Mistress


Hello friends. Welcome aboard the Mother-Ship. Adopt your seat of choice. Notice how the syntho-foam molds itself perfectly to your buttocks. And — And! — should you telepathically wish it, begins to invade said buttocks. Go ahead. We didn’t spend all the money on the syntho-foam for nothing. We ain’t judging.Once you’re settled, pull the visors over your retinas and ingest this forthcoming list. The list? A drug-fueled (specifically antihistamines) delineation of the things I’m enjoying this week. Correlate the list within your rotting, offensive organic dome-piece. Whilst, of course, writhing against the synto-foam’s pseudo-phallus. Then when you’re done, hit the comments section with your own list of enjoyments.

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‘BLACK OPS II’ gets two ridiculous editions. Care package and Hardened. Freudian wet dream.

We can’t go a year without a new Call of Duty dropping some over-the-top wallet fucking edition, can we? Hell no. It’s about as American as it gets. November is football, turkey, and expensive killing packages.

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The Dude’s High 5s: Holidays!

I hate August.  It is my least favorite month.  It’s hot, it’s sticky, and worst of all, no holidays.  There’s no prebuilt excuse to engage in revelry.  So while we find ourselves in the center of this horrid month, let’s look fondly towards days of celebration.  You’ll notice a distinct lack of gift giving holidays on my list.  Some people think it’s because I hate fun.  Other people guess it’s because I was hatched a fully formed adult and have never been a wide-eyed child, anxiously awaiting treats.  My response to those claims is that they are false.  It’s because I hate the bullshit pretense that is built around them, especially when I am in no way affiliated with the religion that spawned them. Also I have no family.  I will never stop hating the pretense built into gift giving holidays, but if I did have a family, I’d suck it up and deal with it for them.

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