Monday Morning Commute: Calories Are A Harsh Mistress


Hello friends. Welcome aboard the Mother-Ship. Adopt your seat of choice. Notice how the syntho-foam molds itself perfectly to your buttocks. And — And! — should you telepathically wish it, begins to invade said buttocks. Go ahead. We didn’t spend all the money on the syntho-foam for nothing. We ain’t judging.Once you’re settled, pull the visors over your retinas and ingest this forthcoming list. The list? A drug-fueled (specifically antihistamines) delineation of the things I’m enjoying this week. Correlate the list within your rotting, offensive organic dome-piece. Whilst, of course, writhing against the synto-foam’s pseudo-phallus. Then when you’re done, hit the comments section with your own list of enjoyments.



I’ve been more or less abusing Wal-Flu all weekend. I’ve been sicker than a motherfucker. Hacking up a lung. Headaches like a motherfucker. Thankfully Walgreens has my back. Or rather some mad chemist who decided to steal TheraFlu’s banned formula and reproduce it for the Big Box Pharmacy Fuckers. It’s like they crush up every single flu-killing (the agony, not the source, I know) medicine into one liquid embrace.

I’ll take it.


Black Flag.

I’ve been playing AssCreed 4: Black Flag. It’s a game. Maybe the people who legitimately enjoy this series are akin to me when it comes to Call of Duty. The base experience is enjoyable enough to them that it doesn’t matter if the series doesn’t really innovate. For me, the AssCreed games are neat. Sort of. Nothing more. So I’ll trifle through this game, enjoying the 1080p. Silently counting down the days until Second Son.



My better half and I have started the fourth season of Fringe. It’s about time we finally started our final descent towards the show’s conclusion. We always kill like two seasons, and then find ourselves adrift in other television goodness. Not this time! We’re finally motivated.


Almost Human.

And we’re finally motivated thanks to Almost HumanWatched the first two episodes last week. Twice. I’m fucking sold. What’s the connection? The J.J. Abrams production! Duh! But perhaps more importantly J.H. Wyman was a big writer on Fringe and is the leading force behind AH. Word.


Catching Fire.

Catching Fire was good. I mean, that’s about all I need to say. Not a life-changed, world-beater, reality-smasher. I had a friend ask me how it was. I replied good. He asked if he had to see it in the theaters. I replied no. Then I realized outside of Gravity I’m not sure I’ve seen anything this year that I’d say “hey dude you totally got to see this on the enormo-screen.” How about you folks? My memory is, of course, shit.



Happy fucking Thanksgiving to all you folks. I’m grateful for every last community member here, talkative or not. May your Gluttonous Genocide Celebration be as merry as can be.


So that’s my list, friends of the Omega Space-Ship. What are you up to?