Man, I won’t be fucking with the final Hunger Games movie in the theater, but I’m certainly feeling this cosplay. You know, it checks every box on the CaffPow checklist: spandex, bow and arrow, spandex, attractive human, spandex.
Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! What do we do here? Well, we discuss the various bites of nonsense we’ll be crammin’ into our skull-holes. Why do we have to do this? Well, if we don’t surround our brain-bones with inspiring, ridiculous, entertaining detritus, then there’s a chance that the bad vibes might get in. And bad vibes are to minds what termites are to wood.
You remember what the termites did to Grampy’s pirate leg, right?
So hop into the frenzy and show off what you’ll be doin’ this week!
Hello friends. Welcome aboard the Mother-Ship. Adopt your seat of choice. Notice how the syntho-foam molds itself perfectly to your buttocks. And — And! — should you telepathically wish it, begins to invade said buttocks. Go ahead. We didn’t spend all the money on the syntho-foam for nothing. We ain’t judging.Once you’re settled, pull the visors over your retinas and ingest this forthcoming list. The list? A drug-fueled (specifically antihistamines) delineation of the things I’m enjoying this week. Correlate the list within your rotting, offensive organic dome-piece. Whilst, of course, writhing against the synto-foam’s pseudo-phallus. Then when you’re done, hit the comments section with your own list of enjoyments.
Hey friends. Straight-up static here on Space-Ship Omega. My life has been crazy lately. Frenzy. Frenzied! Busy. And all this madness taken me away from the controls. What about the rest of the crew? Great question. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Rendar Frankenstein has left the ship. Yup. Quietly departed during a movie night. Whilst you were all entertained by the Team Omega’s sweded version of They Live, Frankenstein grabbed a null-grav suit and fluttered away to a local exoplanet. Pluto? Staring in the mirror puffing his bubble pipe while blathering about the impermanence of pop culture references and stroking his non-existent beard. The Dude? Johnny Hotsauce? An arm wrestling match that’s been going on for nineteen days. Bateman? Triple bypass.
Just me. And you. Aboard the Space-Boat. Here is what I’m using to kill my loneliness.
Welcome to the Cascade of Nonsense. The white noise that keeps us complacent, ’cause otherwise we might be getting jittery. Someday you’ll die, someday we’ll exhaust this rotting Blue Marble, someday the sun will smirk before burning us up anyways. It’s all dumb and pointless and so we’re tasked with kicking it absurdity. Finding our own meaning, demanding our own purpose, but really probably just manufacturing our own cultural opiates to keep us numb to these nonsensical factoids of the world.
This is Monday Morning Commute. What composes your armature of pointlessness? How are you surviving this week? Hit me.
Hnng. Instant blood flow pretty much in that area when I saw Katniss all up in her form-fitting spandex tribute suit thing in this trailer. Goodness me. There’s uh, other stuff in this final preview for Catching Fire. I promise. What is it? I can’t. I can’t remember.
(I’m excited for this movie.)
The sort of casting that sends nerds of a certain proclivity into either ecstasy or angst has taken place. Some dude from movies I haven’t seen has been cast in a pretty important role in the second Hunger Games flick.
Remember that whole cadre of young actresses who were being considered for the role of Johanna Mason in Catching Fire? They’ve been picked apart, leaving only one. Jena Malone. You know her. She gives Kristen Stewart a run for “that disaffected woman who sort of can only show one emotion, and usually that emotional is ‘heavily sedated’, but certain groups fawn over her.”
Zoe Aggeliki may be an unknown quantity to people like me, but if this casting goes through she is about to go boom. That’s the sound of her blowing up. Yeah, groan, I know.
We all know that I’m going to see Catching Fire, my obsession with J-Law demanding supplication. Outside of her buxom bossiness though, I haven’t really been stoked about the flick. Then they said the magic words.