Rome is burning, folks. So is our childhood.
If there was any doubt (there shouldn’t have been) that Michael Bay’s Ninja Thing Alien Surfers reboot was going to suck, you can cast aside those foolish notions. Megan Fox has joined the enterprise, portraying a childhood crush of mine. She’ll be taking the role over, bringing to it freakishly large thumbs, and raging vapidity.
I used to love cartoons. What happened? Did I grow up? Did I turn into a fun hating ogre? I just think that most cartoons today suck. There’s a few here and there that I love (Venture Brothers, South Park), but for the most part, I don’t like them. My friends always joke that I never had a childhood. They make assumptions that I was always the cynical dick that I present myself as. Well, to throw a wrench in their plans, here are my favorite 5 cartoon shows from when I was a child.
Just because all of us geeks are shitting ourselves in fear of Michael Bay’s douchebag reboot of the Not Teenage Nor Mutant Ninja Turles doesn’t mean there ain’t anyone sweating it. Take for example the co-creator of the franchise. He’s like, totally in love with the enterprise.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The time remaining before Michael Bay’s turd cut ties with his sphincter and casually falls onto the franchise dwindles, and so we must cherish this moments. Let’s hit the wayback machine, and think of when the Ninja Turtles first arrived. Perhaps by buying the original drawing. That’d be nostalgia, aye?
Dark Lords and Masters, what have we done to offend you so? It wasn’t bad enough that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are going to be Turtle Lookin’ Motherfuckers and nothing more in their reboot? Now we have Kid Cudi rolling up (ha!) into the franchise?
TMNT co-creator Peter Laird is speaking out about Turtlesarealiensgate, and he’s suggesting that we all like give Michael Bay a chance. The problem is when you listen to his protestations to our protestations, I can’t help feel like the dude is just fucking with everyone.
Michael Bay could hear the Collective crapping their pants in apoplexy yesterday when it was revealed the Douche-Pro envisions his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to be…an alien race. His suggestion? “Chill”, like wasn’t the guy who had already destroyed a childhood love.
Michael Bay could fuck up a winning lottery ticket. He’d all be “Hey, let’s spend it on explosions and the CGI for racially insensitive robots” and shit. Fucking asshole. Douche-Bag was talking at Nickelodeon Upfront (whatever the fuck that is) when he intimated that the Turtles will not be mutants. They’ll be fucking aliens.