Michael Bay Says New ‘TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES’ Are Going To Be Aliens. F**king Dammit

Michael Bay could fuck up a winning lottery ticket. He’d all be “Hey, let’s spend it on explosions and the CGI for racially insensitive robots” and shit. Fucking asshole. Douche-Bag was talking at  Nickelodeon Upfront (whatever the fuck that is) when he intimated that the Turtles will not be mutants. They’ll be fucking aliens.


Michael Bay continues his explosive assault on children’s cartoons with the  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  movie he’s producing. But Bay’s most recent statement has folks wondering, are his mutant turtles not actually mutants?

Bay gave a presentation at the Nickelodeon Upfront, hyping up the movie, which is due out Christmas 2013, when he made this puzzling statement:

When you see this movie, kids will believe one day that these turtles do exist, when we’re done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.

Now it’s entirely possible that Bay misspoke, and what he meant is that the turtles  seem  like aliens. But that phrase “alien race” is a troubling one. Is it possible that Bay really intends to make a mutant-free  TMNT  film? And does that mean no ooze?

A) Kids are going to believe they exist. B) They’re an alien race. C) They’re tough, and edgy, and completely lovable. Somehow all three. This man is a monster on par with post-Thanksgiving  diarrhea  dumps and whoever takes my last Dew without telling me.