Maybe it’s the longer days contributing some solar-powered optimism, maybe it’s my latent love for portions of Michael Bay’s oeuvre. But, I’m down for the dude directing a Lobo movie. Both of them are a monument to excessivism and mindless violence. Both of them are meat-head dumb asses. And together? They may damn well be unstoppable.
A cold, cruel reminder that the universe is patently apathetic, if not unfair.
The Transformers movies are objectively awful. They also make a real, real lot of money. So, I shouldn’t be surprised there is a fifth one coming down the road. This trailer looks no better and no worse than any of the other Transformers trailers. Take that as you will.
John Krasinski sucks. Fuck him, and fuck Jim. Michael Bay objectively sucks, but he brought me The Rock, Bad Boys and Pain & Gain. So I’m not going to say fuck him. Tom Clancy sucks, so fuck him, (rest in peace). Conclusion: fuck this series.
Just Optimus Prime and Marky Mark. Hanging out. Broing out. Drinking beers and talking about fatherhood. Fighting robots. Facing extinction. Discussing humanity’s potential. Totally not tonally all over the place. W/E, I’m there. Day One. Chemically altered, ready to giggle.
This is a trailer for the upcoming movie Transformers: Age of Extinction. A pseudo-documentary about Marky Funky, his smokeshow daughter, and their quiet life. They find a truck and attempt to repair it in order to fund smokeshow’s college degree. I imagine it’s a quiet film. A contemplative one. Focusing on the bond between father and daughter. Between man and the resilient steel that shall outlast us all. Prolly a Focus Features movie. Not sure.
Michael Bay is a compatriot to bros everywhere. Fans of rotating cameras, ‘splosions, and vascularity. So while it’s pretty amazing watching his meltdown from Samsung’s CES event, I also want to offer a fist bump. I’m with you, Michael. From bro to bro. Just uh…you know. Don’t walk off the stage when things get hairy.
HELL YEAH. OPTIMUS PRIME IS BACK, AND HE AIN’T TAKING YOUR SHIT. HE’S BEEN SHOTGUNNING RAW EGGS WITH MARKY MARK. GETTING SWOLE BEYOND BELIEF. CHECK OUT THIS FIRST LOOK AT HIM WITH HIS NEW BODY. RIPPED. PISSED. READ TO SNAPKICK ROBOTS INTO FUCKING OBLIVION.
Hit the jump to behold.
Fucking dummies. You cannot fell Michael Bay with an air conditioner. He has a posse of explosions to repel any sort of attack that may come his way. However, that didn’t stop a gang of people (as opposed to what, Caff? Geese?) from attempting extortion on the set of Transformers 4. What happened to those fucks? What do you think. They were summarily executed by Megan Fox and Optimus Prime.
(Or something like that, read on.)