Goddamn! Fucking Konami, man. I wouldn’t be surprised if they initially planned on getting out of AAA Game Production. But decided, just out of spite, to make a Metal Gear without Kojima on board. Them motherfuckers are Darkness. Pure Darkness.
Metal Gear Solid 5 drops on Tuesday, and we’re all celebrating it in different ways. But of all the ways one may do it, I don’t think any of us shall top opening up a fucking Metal Gear-themed cafe. We all lose this one, folks.
Hideo Kojima has sloughed off the coils of mortality, ascending into his rightful place as an action figure turned cyborg. Unfortunately, there is no drawstring that lets the windy Kojima blather socio-philosophical sweet nothings, but here is hoping the production model will remedy that miss.
Fire up the X-Wing and prepare to take on some TIE fighters, folks. The United States Aerospace Defense Wizards have concocted a means through which they shall be installing laser turrets on their planes. If this isn’t a sign of the future, I don’t know what is. Maybe those robots that you can have sex with. They’re a sign. Sign of something.
Metal Gear has been holding it down in our collective gaming brain-pieces for a while now. At the very least since Kojima went CINEMATIC on our asses in the original MGS, it not before that. It isn’t surprising then that the series has sold in droves, though I wouldn’t have been able to put a finger on the amount. Or a finger on my nose. ‘Cause I’m drunk with stealth. You heard me.
Remember guys, when rival developer teams engage in a cock-measuring contest, there’s only one outcome for the gamers: Awesomeness.
Apparently the teams behind Metal Gear Solid: Rising for the 360/PS3 and Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker for the PSP aren’t too fond of one another. Why’s that? Take it away, Kojima:
“The reason why I say they are not good friends is because the PSP is working day and night to make it even better than MGS4, but of course they can’t do it because of a lot of restrictions,” he tells Gamepro. “On the other hand, the Rising team is using loads of money and loads of capacity and hardware specs.”
The Peace Walker bros are constrained to budgets and other logical concepts. However the MGS: Rising team probably spends the equivalent of the Peace Walker budget just modeling Raiden’s fruity ninja-stripper boots. I can only imagine how much money the Rising team has just spent on tickle-fights and other getaway retreats shooting guns and building absurdity Post-Modern Paper-Mache monuments to Hideo Kojima.
Hopefully their utter disdain for one another pushes them both into making ballin’ games. I’ve never owned a PSP, but with Kojima jacking off over how awesome Peace Walker is going to be, picking up the portable continues to tempt me. Now, back to the cock-measuring!