Marvel’s Secret Wars is never going to end. Or so it seems. It’s up to nine issues, and the final one ain’t dropping until December. But that’s okay, cause I’m digging the fuck out of this event.
Months of hype have prevailed! You, me, and a bunch of other dickhead slime lord wonderful humans went and bought Secret Wars #1 on Wednesday. On our digital tablet companions. Making it the best selling single-day digital comic for Marvel, ever. And I enjoyed it! I had pretty much no idea what was going on, but it has roped me in enough to enjoy the ride. Hickman Philosophy (AW, YIS) and the gorgeous artwork doing their jobs.
Well, smarter people than me around here have been specuating for a while that this was going to happen. Marvel is merging together it’s typical (616) universe and its Ultimate universe. The Orgy of Continuity will take place at Battleworld, and like — all parts of Battleworld are in continuity. But like, yeah, I don’t get how this is going to work coming out of Secret Wars. Whatever Universe(s) are left standing after Battelworld will coalesce into what will be considered Continuity?
How do you get me to give a fuck about a Marvel event? Especially a seemingly refried edition of a previous event? You pop Jonathan “Big Daddy Philosophy Kane” Hickman and Esad “Everybody’s Mouths Are Open” Ribic on the fucker. Seriously, they’re two of my faves.
There ain’t a multitude of titles hitting the shelves this week, and that’s aiight for two reasons. First, it saves my pittance of an allowance from evaporating with over a week to go until the next paycheck. I am a poor ass academic surviving on tutoring wages, though to be fair, what I am paid for what I do is patently ridiculous. Second, the comic books that are dropping have my tits tweaked. My nips are a deep, hungry red, begging for the funny rags to fiddle them.
This den of perversion and adolescent banality is Buy These F**king Comic Books. Within these walls we shall all share the comic books we’re excited for on a given week. I know my tastes sucks raw farts out of my dead grandmother’s ass, so remind me of the titles I missed. If you don’t know what is arriving on a particular Wednesday, Comic List will help you out.
Out of the darkness emerges a hero! It ain’t me. That hero comes along, smashes me in the gullet, and drags my corpse into the creak whilst I scream. What I can do is welcome you back to Buy These Frakin’ Comics! It’s been over a month since I saddled up to this column and shared the juicy pink comic bits I want to be snagging on a given Wednesday. Better yet? It’s been over two months since I actually snagged the funnies off a rack. Busy, man. Jaded, woman. I return today, hoping to double down on some PMA and ride the sequential artwork once more. In this here column we gather round, scratching dander out of our cracks while sharing the comic books we’re buying. Don’t see your fave rag in my list? Good. Audience participation is crucial, and I’m always looking for new finds.
Not sure what is coming out? Hit up Comic List.
Marvel NOW! may be predicated on sales and emerge out of another bullshit event. It may. That isn’t stopping the creative minds at Marvel from bringing together some absurdly righteous creative teams. The company has revealed Esad Ribic’s cover for Thor: God of Thunder #2 and it has my balls all aflutter. That’s when they literally levitate in my pants, and I shout I’m flying!, I’m flying!” while recognizing a childhood dream.
Sometimes you just need to run with a headline regardless of whether or not it makes sense. Thor: God of Thunder has gotten itself a nice expose, exposing all of its nougaty bits for us to feast upon. Shit man, Marvel Now! has actually got my nipples tightening a bit.
Ooph! Now this is a beast of a creative team right here.