Brian Wood ain’t done with Viking tales even though ‘NORTHLANDERS’ is over. Praise Thor.

Northlanders getting axed was a kick to my he-clit. Not the sort of lovely one that follows me being tied up by my Jennifer Lawrence clone, and prior to the candle wax on my nipples. An unsolicited one. It is good news for me then, that Brian Wood intends on continuing Viking stories after the first Universe ended.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – August 8, 2012: Becky Cloonan, Godzilla, Jesus Christ, and Other Rock Stars.

Greetings, Earthlings and interdimensional lurkers. It’s Wednesday, and that can only mean one thing. Time for me to lumber down to the LCS, notice that they don’t have the two comic books I want, and flip a shelf. Scream loudly. Dive head first through the glass, trailing blood and tendon dangling from said shards. Scream at drivers as I run wildly through traffic, picking bits and beads of skin and  skull out of my Kingdom Come Superman t-shirt. Stumble into a ditch. Write this column telepathically, using the fading moments of my consciousness to commune with you folks.

Let us share, as darkness dawns on crumbling psyche, the comics we want to buy this week. Certainly, with shredded skin and violated visage, I’ll miss something you’re eager for. That is half the fun. Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit up Comic List.

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Bought These F**king Comics – July 19, 2012: Let me be clear, Avengers vs. X-Men sucks. Saga Rules.

What’s up, jabronis! Yeah, I’m late with the column. That’s why I got all goddamn clever and changed the title this week to bought these fucking comics! Bought! Get it? ‘Cause these are the funnies I’ve already snagged on this finest of days. The funny book day. Let us gallop amongst the pull lists together, sharing and caring about the titles we procured at the LCS.

Haven’t snagged your titles? Don’t know what dropped? Hit up Comic List.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – July 11, 2012: Jesus Christ Died For Your Splash Page.

Oh fuck my tits! Comic book day lands on 7-Eleven day as well? Don’t mind me as I drown myself in syrupy-assed Double Big Gulp thunder will plowing through the latest stack of funny titles. Oh, you’re new here? I didn’t think I recognized those gorgeous blue eyes or your markedly laissez-faire attitude. This here column is where us lasses and lads of the comic book proclivity share what we’re snagging on a particular Wednesday. Sit down next to me, I like your musk.

Not sure what’s dropping? Hit up Comic List.

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BRIAN WOOD Heading Up ‘STAR WARS’ Comic For Dark Horse. This Is Incredible.

Brian Wood doing a Star Wars comic book, set during the Original Trilogy? Be still my fucking heart.

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Monday Morning Commute: Tie Dye Projectile Vomit!

What’s up, fools? Would you know that Rendar Frankandbeans is straight up out of the country? Yeah, player. He’s on some magical mystery journey pretending he’s Ernest Hemingway or some shit. I have a nagging suspicion that he’s going to come back with the Great Grumpy White Guy Novel of the next century. Drop it on my desk and slap me across the face. It’s just brotherly love. With him meandering about, and the other of the OL Founding Fathers out of the country as well, I’m all alone.

I have no pants on. I’m eating laffy taffy by the bucketful. My children are quickly drying on my stomach. This is how life should be lived. Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I have someone greater to answer to, one who inspires more fear and reverence than the two of them. Mrs. Caffeine Powered. Every day she’s with me is a fucking gift, one that I respect by only occasionally ripping ass and drooling on myself.

This column right here is MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE. Within the confines of this most Monday of columns, us capitalist grind monkeys share the various artistic afflictions that give us lives meaning amid the grind. For within these arts we cajole ourselves into enjoying ourselves, despite the banality of the everyday.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – June 13, 2012: Peter Parker Pederast

Hey friends! It’s time. Time to make the comic book list. I am endeavoring to craft this list amid a steady stream of flu-powered sweat dribbling down my dapper dome. Wipe, wipe, wipe my brow and then I continue soldiering on. Though I may be sickened even as tomorrow falls, I’ll take respite in knowing that I shall be sweating my grimy paws over some new funny books. Consider this my shamanistic powwow. I will share the titles that I hope shall pull me through my delirium. You follow up this vision quest by dropping the titles that you have staked out this week.

Don’t know what’s dropping?  Hit up ComicList.

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Buy These F**king Comics! – May 30, 2012: Batman And His Douchebag Bourgeois Buddies

Weeks like this are a special treat. Fat off the flesh of animal and the oak sodas after celebrating Memorial Day, nary a moment has passed after returning to reality and it is already Comic Book Day. None the less, it is the finest of  interstitial  days, an Island of Relief in the middle of the work week. This is the inglorious column where we discuss the funny rags we’re snagging on a given Wednesday. Per usual this is a douche-free zone, and if my poor taste results in me not dropping a title you’re interested in, by all means alley-oop a recommendation.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit up ComicList.

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Rafael Grampa Does ‘The MASSIVE #3’ Variant Cover; All Is Right With The World.

Thanks to Warren Ellis for bringing to attention this glorious variant cover for The Massive #3 by  Rafael Grampa with colors courtesy of Dave Stewart. I’m already excited for the official release of this new jam by  Brian Wood and Kristian Donaldson, and this has me spinning in circles.

Marvel’s Sunday At C2E2: McKelvie On ‘DEFENDERS’ And More

Marvel dropped some news yesterday at C2E2, the most glorious of which to me is the news that Jamie McKelvie is taking over as artist on Defenders.

Hit the jump for a  potpourri  of deets.

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