Five ‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ screens upside your head on Christmas Eve.
Ho-ho-ho! Jesus Christ why did I type that. Moving along. Here are some new screens of Grand Theft Auto V, reminding you what gaming glory awaits us now that Mayan Apocalypse has passed.
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Monday Morning Commute: Santa’s atomic leg-drop.
It’s Christmas Eve, and you’d damn well better hope that you’ve been good this year.
Why is that? Well, I just got off the phone with Santa Claus. He’s doing well. He’s busy, of course, but things are goin’ his way. His stocks’re on the rise. He left that frumpy wife of his and snagged a lover more to his liking. And he’s decided to finally stop being so damn soft on those perennial residents of the Naughty List. Given what St. Nick has in store for this year’s crop of bad boys and girls, coal in the stocking is going to look like a walk in the park.
If you haven’t been good for goodness’ sake, Santa Claus is going to rock you with an atomic leg-drop.
There’s no way to know ahead of time whether you’ll be gettin’ a Furby or a beatdown from Santa. You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow morning — either you’ll wake up to open presents in your pajamas, or you’ll wake up with missing teeth and cracked ribs. But why don’t we share some ways to pass the time until then? Hell, this is the Monday Morning Commute, the very spot where we meet to discuss the various ways we’ll be entertaining ourselves.
After all, it’s easy to get bested by the ennui-daemons and work-overlords. If we don’t take the time to enjoy ourselves, we’ll die as nothing more than the miserable, boring wretches that the Man wants us to be. So let’s rebel! Our bosses don’t own our souls, and Santa may break our backs, but he can’t break our spirits!
C’mon, let’s do this!
Press Start: Nintendo Killed My Christmas
As the year draws to an end, we all get to reminisce about the gaming highs and lows throughout. Everybody is doing it: no-one escapes the end-of-year lists. They may have different names and irregular structures, but no-one is truly above this ceaseless list-making. Why do I care? Maybe it’s because all the real writers are so busy making their lists that they’ve forgotten to give me any news to regurgitate.
I’m delving deep and brushing off the gaming news artefacts. Then I’m gonna spruce them up for you: just like I was Dr. Alan Grant.
‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ lead down to Jim Sturgess and Zachary Levi. Who you got.
I don’t really know Guardians of the Galaxy, so I’m going to outsource my opinion to you folks more familiar. Who of these two finalists would you most like to see as the lead in the upcoming movie adaptation?
WEEKEND OPEN BAR: we are post-apocalyptic.
[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]
We are post-apocalyptic.
The Mayan Doomsday has come and gone, and we’re all still here. Don’t give me any guff about the prophecy actually being a misunderstanding of white colonials or a co-opting at the hands of New Age dolts or the exploitation of profiteers. Last night was the end of the world and we did our best to survive.
My woman and I braced for the end by eating sushi, drinking, and watching movies.
And it would’ve been a find end. But here I am, still breathin’ and shit-talkin’ on the afternoon after the Last Night on Earth. Looking out the bay window of my third floor apartment, there’re no zombies to stave off, asteroid fragments to avoid, or swirling plague winds to justify wearing my hazmat suit. The robots haven’t raped our dogs and the aliens’re finding a better species to share omnidimensional enlightenment with. The bogeymen that knocked on our doors last night have already hopped back on the bus to return to Doomsville.
The Mayan idiot-scholars were wrong. Roland Emmerich was wrong. Hell, even the X-Files was wrong.
We’ve all survived an apocalypse. Not the first, and certainly not the last. And it feels great! But it’d be a goddamn shame to let this conflagration of hope dwindle down to the last embers. Let’s make the most of it, let’s take this sense of opportunity – even if we don’t really deserve it – and do something with it.
What’re you going to do now that you’ve survived the apocalypse?
Friday Brew Review: Verloren
We should all aspire to be a bit more like Indiana Jones.
What’s that? You say you don’t approve of Indy? You think he’s a poor choice for a role model? Well then, why could that be? Is it the fact that he makes murder hilarious? Or do you have some serious qualms about his freewheeling sexual ways? Oh, let me guess – you’re going to give me some malarkey about child endangerment? These’re all arguments that’ve been presented to me before, and as such I have no hesitation in brushing `em off with a Donkey Kongian nonchalance.
`Cause at the end of the day, Indiana Jones is a Nazi-battlin’ scholar who hunts down ancient artifacts.
It’s by conjuring this spirited admiration for the Jones-lifework that I approach the prospect of reviewing tonight’s featured beer. Although I’m not a philanderin’, bull-whippin’, gorgeous-as-man-can-be archaeologist like Indiana Jones, I certainly share his love of the arcane. Y’know, the stuff that’s too elusive or frightening or challenging for mass consumption. Like the Star Wars Holiday Special. As such, my reverence for the hidden truths of antiquity and inebriation and maybe even existence itself have led me to sip upon the splendor that is Verloren.
Terrence Malick’s To The Wonder Scores a Lovely Trailer
Terrence Malick is perhaps the most unique American filmmaker working today. Meticulous yet wandering, his work is instantly identifiable. A brief clip or even a shot from any one his movies screams “Malick”–a surefire sign of an artist doing his own thing and doing it damn well. And the trailer for his newest film To The Wonder is no exception. It is utterly gorgeous. Check it out after the jump.
Rare ‘BLADE RUNNER’ storyboards are the droids you’re looking for. That doesn’t make sense.
Geoff Hutchins shits on your idea of being the biggest Blade Runner fan. Case in point: this balling ass storyboards from the flick, which feature neat things and wizardry. Man, I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying today. Everyone drink, the world is ending!
Matt Fraction and Kelly Sue DeConnick are objectively awesomest family.
This panel from Hawkeye had me busting gut when I read it, and now that I know the secret story behind it, the magic is doubled. Nay! Fucking tripled. So good.
First Look: Tom Hardy as Mad Max in ‘FURY ROAD.’ Oh golly. Gosh.
Yeah so like, this is igniting the phat pipes of the Internet today. Tom Hardy as Mad Max. It isn’t anything special. The picture comes across as one of Hardy just trying to keep the sand out of his balls. So yeah, fantastique or something.
