COMET-HUNTING spacecraft ROSETTA woke up after three years. Is like, sup.
Today, I’ve had more than a couple of friends point me in the direction of this dopeness. This means two things. First, despite enough stimulants in my system to kill an ogre, I’m slowing down. Losing my grip. Second, my friends get me. Anyways, this isn’t about me! (I swear!) Rosetta is a comet-hunting spacecraft that has spent the last two years all slumbering and shit. Today! Today, it woke up.
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Monday Morning Commute: A Most Glorious Death.
“Oh, I can’t possibly imagine that you’d consort with pigs,” chided Thelma the Bartender as she brought over two bottles and two shot glasses.
Over the months that saw Absalom writing at this bar, he’d grown fond of Thelma. She was busty and acerbic and two tax brackets below most of the clientele. More importantly, she was most attentive to Absalom, having memorized his preferred drink-sequence.
Serving the public ain’t easy, and doin’ it well is damn-near impossible.
“Thelma, goddess of libation that you are, how many times do I have to warn you against eavesdroppin’? It’s not becomin’ of a woman like you. If you want to experience a life-changin’ conversation, you mustn’t resort to NSA tactics,” Absalom gave a shot-in-the-dark wink that defied his age, “just ask me out to dinner.”
“Oh yes, ‘dinner,’ that lovely euphemism for those too cowardly to just come out ask for it. Sex. Even if it were my greatest desire to bed you – and believe me, it isn’t – I simply wouldn’t be able to go through with it.”
“And why not?”
“Are you serious?” Following Absalom’s implicit instructions, Thelma set down the two shot glasses. One for a formely-respected, now lying-in-the-gutter-but-lookin’-through-the-smog-hopin’-to-see-a-star Writer. The other for a stoned-on-booze-and-slowly-realizin’-that-my-careerist-aspirations-will-never-get-me-high-off-life Intern. Between them, she placed a bottle of bourbon.
And for Absalom, a fresh bottle of Pepsi.
“By the gods, of course I’m serious! Why wouldn’t you bed me?”
“Mr. Fabliaux-”
“It’s Señor Fabliaux, Thelma, and you know it!”
“Whatever! Even if I wanted to sleep with you, I wouldn’t. And the reason? Your ever-deteriorating old-man body couldn’t handle it! Having sex with me would literally kill you.”
“Ah, but it’d be a most glorious death.”
—-
Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! First, I give ya’ll a bit of fiction to get the mind warmed up! Then, I run through some of the ways I’ll be entertaining myself over the course of the workweek. After I’ve tired myself out, you hit up the comments section and share your strategies for fending off the Beasts of Boredom!
Yes, it’s basically the Spaceship OL way station.
Okay, let’s rock!
Nicolas Winding Refn’s ‘BARBARELLA’ TV remake hitting AMAZON
Yet another hope and dream of Amazon’s for butting into the original television content market has been revealed. This dream is taking the form of Winding Refn’s Barbarella remake. Not exactly the next House of Cards, but hey — I didn’t expect much from that fucking series either. So yeah.
OH LAWD: Free-To-Play Shooter ‘CROSSFIRE’ makes NEARLY $1 BILLI.
Sign I’m getting old: I ain’t even heard of Crossfire. Fucking free-to-play game first-person shooter. Despite not hearing of it, the son of a bitch made nearly a billion dollars last year. A fucking billion dollars!
Abrams says ‘EPISODE VII’ script is done. Confirms Meth Damon (Jesse Plemons) rumors.
The script for Episode VII is done! Thank goodness. I didn’t know how long it was going to take Abrams to shoehorn all of his fan service before finally stapling down on the final product (just kidding only slightly though ’cause of reports that he wants Ep. VII to be original character-centric). So yeah! Oh, and the Guy Who Flared also confirms something rather gnarly. You know, the rumors that Meth Damon could maybe be a Skywalker.
‘BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN’ delayed until 2016. Oh no, oh gosh.
Batman vs. Superman vs. Aquaman vs. Wonder Woman vs. Everything won’t be dropping in 2015. Nope. Instead it’s getting pushed back into 2016. Word on the street is that Bat-Fleck tore a quad while getting ripped on the streets of Medford doing some sprints wearing a weight vest. Boom. Right into a fucking pot hole. Fucking plows! Now he’s laid up. Ugh! (Entire joke only makes sense if you’re from Massachusetts, whatever.)
After crap console sales, Nintendo “thinking about a new business structure.”
I want Nintendo to succeed because Nintendo is woven into the very fabric of who I am. Their games sculpted this rotting psycho-carcass that is lodged in my cranium. That said, I have’t bought a Wii U. I even want one, but I haven’t been able to get myself there. Already got too many consoles. Only so many HDMI ports. Spoiled geek problems.
Cosplay: Link from ‘LEGEND OF ZELDA’ got that tranquil sexiness.
Something really dope/froggy fresh/relaxing about this gorgeous Link cosplay. Dude just wants to run through the woods, slash some grass, collect some rupees. Buy himself some bait and go fishing. Not the worst live in the world.
LADY SIF (Jaimie Alexander) to guest star on ‘AGENTS OF SHIELD.’
Ohhh snap. Looks like we have our first instance of the Big Boy Marvel Movie Universe tying in directly with Agents of SHIELD. Directly! I said directly. I know the shit from Thor: Darkened Hair Line had some trickle down effects in the show. But this time — it’s direct! Or something…I don’t really know.
