Hey oh wow, Superman has a new, lighter costume.

I imagine the conversation that led to it went something like this.

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This trailer gave me hard nipples. I’m not even kidding. Destiny. From object of my scorn, to object of my juicy-panties lust. Here’s the fucking launch trailer.

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Hey friends! Pull up a stool. Pound your beverage of choice. Be it monkey urine, which is empirically proven to make you stronger, and run faster. Like the Reebok Pumps of liquids. Or be it alcohol, which will make me more appealing, and less annoying in your eyes! Whatever you drink of choice, slam it down and then enter this column. Weekend Open Bar. Where we shoot the shit for the 48 hours that The Man lets us have to pretend we live fulfilling lives. Or, if you have to work, bitch in here about how the Weekend Grind is a condemnable offense in the Eyes of the Lords of Kobol.

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It’s Wednesday, friends. Which means one thing. Namely, that my wife (to be) is coming home tomorrow from her business trip. And that fucking jizz rocket that bombed past my head earlier today as I wanked it for the 300th time since she left has yet to be found. I’m almost positive it punctured time and space, rupturing the Fabric of It All. Maybe it hit some nun in a McDonald’s on the other side of the planet. Whatever the case, I cannot fucking find it. And I’m worried.

But if Wednesday has to mean two things, the second would be that it’s time for another edition of Buy These Flippin’ Comics. Where we share the funny books we’re snagging on a given week. Me? For yours truly, this week is wrought with metaphysics, inspiring younglings, and the return of a favorite writer. Don’t know what’s dropping?

Check a list of this week’s releases right here!

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A dude behind Deus Ex and a dude from BioWare are looking for your hard earned ducats. They need them so they can complete Sienna Storm, which is some wonky, but interesting, hand-drawn, non-linear, 2D spy thriller. It sounds…high-concept as fuck. But then again, I’m a half-dead, aspartame-riddled moron. The fuck do I know?

Details and trailer after the jump.

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The game I never knew I wanted until today. Motherfuckin’ VA-11 HALL-A. You get to play as a bartender at a small, rundown, cyberpunk bar. Feeding the locals the brews, and getting to bask in their lives.

The Future is Good.

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Behold! The goddamn Lagoon Nebula! Okay, okay. It’s behind the cut. But whatever. It’s here, lurking. And would you know, that Nebula ain’t fucking around. At the center of it are two goddamn funnel clouds, each half a light-year long. Which is impressive to me, but probably not to the Universe. ‘Cause the Universe is big. #PostPadding #Obviousness

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Frank Cho’s going creator-owned once more! The talented dude, whose work I struggle to appreciate amid his overwhelming cheesecake vibe, has revealed a couple of comics springing up out of his mind. The first one is World of Payne, and it’s dropping in 2015.

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I don’t really know what that headline means. Truthfully, I don’t really know what any of my headlines mean. Can I make it up to you? Offer you some compensation for suffering through my stupidity? I prostate myself before you and offer up this glorious Batgirl cosplay.

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I’m a bit torn on Google Glass’ initial design. One half of me is like, “Yes, this is the clunky and obvious cyberpunk design of My Future.” The other half is like, “Yeah, I would never wear this in public.” Google seems to sense this rift in others and myself, and are working towards obscuring the technological magic that powers Glass from plain sight.

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