Monday Morning Commute: crap i forgot my keys
School kicks off tomorrow. My anxiety kicked off today. Worrying about my clothes being ironed. Worrying about tomorrow actually being the day school starts. Anxiety is a hell of a drug. Caffeine is a hell of a drug. Caffeine is a hell of a drug for Anxiety. The two of them hanging out in the dank halls of my bathroom-brain, jacking off one another. Caffeine telling Anxiety to make me sweat, make me fart, hand on Anxiety’s slick shaft. Anxiety telling Caffeine to tell me to just have a couple more cans of Pepsi Max, make me jitter, make me palpitate, hand on Caffeine’s slick shaft.
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Telltale’s ‘The Walking Dead’ Season 3 dropping in November, titled ‘The New Frontier’
This is bound to excite a lot of people. Me? I am not one of those people. Oh, oh, no. Don’t take it as a condemnation. I’m just a loser who can only seem to play like, four titles, over and over again, into infinity. I hope you’re excited! I hope it so!
Sega’s ‘Space Channel 5’ is coming to VR
Space Channel 5. Holy fucking shit, does that name recall some memories. Namely, being a 260-pound virgin high school senior who was getting vague erections from a rhythm game. But I mean, those memories aren’t that bad?
‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ Leaked Set Photos: Check out the Shocker’s Costume
The Shocker’s costume is shocking! Ah, wakka-wakka-wakka. No, seriously though — I have no idea what the fuck this dude is supposed to look like, so I can’t really comment.
European Space Agency’s lost Philae lander has been found; wedged into crack on its comet
Poor fucking Philae. Out there in space, on Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. Wedged into a crack, lost, lost, lost. But now, found! By the space probe Rosetta!
Watch: Retro ‘Batman v Superman’ Trailer pits Keaton against Reeve
This, this is the fucking movie we deserved. Just know, if this depresses you like it does me, that somewhere in the OMNIVERSE is a reality where it happened. Take solace in That-Earth-You having watched it, and loved it.
Rumor: Daniel Craig offered $150 million to return for two more ‘Bond’ movies
Man, I like your Bond, Craig. But even I have misgivings about you needing to be bribed until returning to the franchise for this much money. Like, you ain’t *that* good as Bond, even to me. Give me Elba. Give me Hiddleston.
Telltale’s ‘Batman Episode 2: Children of Arkham’ is dropping September 20
Telltale has announced the date for the second installment of their Batman series, as well as its title. Children of Arkham will be dropping later this month. September 20, to be exact!
Conor McGregor is starring in ‘Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare’
Man. I generally despise Conor McGregor. But I also generally adore Call of Duty. So this development is interesting. Here is hoping he is some sort of villain that I can eventually pummel to save The United Federation of America, or something.
