‘Horizon Zero Dawn: The Frozen Wilds’ arriving November 7 so clear your damn schedule
We officially have a date for that delicious ass Horizon: Zero Dawn DLC. November 7. The title is, arguably, one of my favorite titles of the past five or so years. So goddamn, I say yes!, I say yes! to more content.
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Netflix acquires Mark Millar’s ‘Millarworld’, home of ‘Kingsman’ and ‘Kick-Ass’, becoming your #1 stop for derivative titles
I have a love-hate relationship with Mark Millar. In that I hate his derivative, shock-jock ass, but I enjoyed the Kingsman. He used to be a prime target here on OL, but I’ve sort of just decided to forget about him. But here he is! Like all lost loves-hates, bubbling back up. The author’s “Millarworld” has been acquired by Netflix, who will being producing content based on his titles.
Monday Morning Commute: One More Packet
I only needed one more packet.
My palm couldn’t stop my nosebleed any longer. The old lady behind the counter looked at the rivulets dripping into the crook of my elbow. She shook her head. I kept pleading.
“Please, lady, y’gotta help me out! I only need one more packet!”
“Sorry, Bucko, but the policy’s to stop servin’ after seven packets!”
“C’mon, you already gave me nine!”
“That’s right, I already broke policy for your ass!” She looked at the ceiling in that way mastered only by crusty diner waitresses with stories to tell. “Now, I’ll keep slingin’ coffees your way all night, and we won’t have to have any more frustrated words with — or cross looks at — one another.”
“But, but –”
“No butts, no asses, and the only titty will be a tough-titty for you!” She slid an entire carafe of coffee in front of me. “You wanna light your brain on fire? Try doin’ it with that! But I ain’t givin’ another goddamn packet of Nestle Cocaine.”
I only needed one more packet.
—-
This is the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!
Posted above is some of my patented drivel fiction. I hope you enjoyed it, but don’t blame you if you didn’t. Posted below is a list of some of stuff I’ll be checking out this week. Y’know, things to [excite/expand/extinguish] my brain. After you check out my entertainment itinerary, hit up the comments section and share your own.
TALLY-HO!!!!
More ‘Titanfall’ games are coming despite sluggish sales, which is good ’cause the second ruled
Titanfall 2‘s campaign was an enjoyable, tight, well-crafted affair. Not many of you slugs know that, because relatively speaking, not many of you slugs purchased the title. No worry, though! You’ll have time to fucking repent (or not, listen, there’s a million games out there) when the next installment drops.
‘The Flash: Flashpoint’ movie will feature Wonder Woman because all DCU things will now
Wonder Woman is going to be the new Batman of the DCU, it looks like. Not in the sense that she’s going to be hysterically brooding, miserable, and in need of therapy. No, no. Rather, she’s going to be turning up all in their properties. Since, you know. She’s the only good thing about their cinematic universe, so far.
Ralph Macchio starring in ‘Karate Kid’ TV sequel called ‘Cobra Kai’, remember what is pop culture may never die
Ralph Macchio is starring in a Karate Kid sequel for YouTube Red. This is a sentence that even ten years ago would have been unfathomable. But, here we are, in the future. Reality star for president, YouTube shows, and Karate Kid resurrection.
‘Mr. Robot’ Season 3 Teaser Trailer: Democracy Is Coming To The USA
You know, I fucking hated the second season of Mr. Robot. I found it to be equal parts plodding, self-indulgent, and pretentious. Yet, I’m going to level with you. This trailer has me excited for the show’s third season. It’s me, the eternal optimist-sucker.
DC’s ‘Shazam!’ movie is going to be “fun” and “lighthearted”, so okay cool welcome to the Marvel Studios Method
Listen, I really enjoyed Wonder Woman, and I’m glad it is making shit loads of money. However, and c’mon let’s not kid ourselves, it’s sort of just a Marvel Studios movie. So, I’m glad that DC finally seems to get it with the aforementioned movie, and seemingly with Shazam!. But, like DCU stans, it’s time to admit it. After years of puffing your chest and pretending the DCU was cool because it was “gritty” and “realistic”, if you’re going to like the DCU going forward, you’re going to have to admit something. Marvel Studios won, tonally.
Weekend Open Bar: Electric Paradise
Clap your hands, say Weekend Open Bar!
Clap with me, rhythmically at first! Ignore, ignore your eyes rolling into the back of your head!
Clap your hands, say Weekend Open Bar!
Clap with me, now with a bit of horror, a pinch of fear! Ignore, ignore your mind being severed from your body!
For! My friends! To the Omniverse!
‘Pacific Rim: Uprising’ released date pushed back a month, which is uh good or bad?
I’m not sure. Is Universal so hype about Pacific Rim: Uprising that they’re pushing it a month later, as to not compete with Black Panther? Or is the son of a bitch hurting, and they need more time to complete it? Or maybe they just want more marketing headway. I don’t fucking know.
