I’m anything but an Alpha Male. In fact, SAM-OMEGA is definitely the Matriarch of our officially unified relationship. An Alpha Female, who is willing to punch down doors, and vaporize the Walls of Impossibility to get what she wants for her family and herself. This is perfectly okay to me. Every Batman (her) needs their trusty Robin (this dickhead). And so I’m looking forward to wasting the weekend away with her before she departs on Sunday for Alpha Female Business Trip #Something of the year. What are you up to the next couple of days? This is Weekend Open Bar, the weekly post where we share what we’re up to on our (hopeful) Siesta from the Grind.

Keep Reading »

Our great Captain Caffeine is about a trillion light-years away from his usual spot in the cosmos, doing super cool and high-spirited married things that bring new meaning and mirth to his life, while the rest of us have been stuck in the doldrums of dull work and the even duller day-to-day routine for another week. But not anymore! I am here with some good news, friends: We made it to another weekend, a time when not only does all this malaise die a most righteous death, but when real good living and rocking good times spring eternal for all who are willing and sufficiently wild. I’ve taken it upon myself to forge ahead without Caffeine–some might call this a minor act of mutiny, but let’s keep this positive–so tell me exactly why your life is going to be ridiculously enjoyable over the next few days. What are you doing? What will you experience? But most importantly, what on earth will you eat? Welcome to Weekend Open Bar with your temporary captain, Eduardo Pluto.

Keep Reading »

[Whelp, this weekend is it. Samantha will officially become Samantha Omega this weekend, as she and I get married after a year and a half of planning. Trust me, Mr. and Mrs. Omega’s Open Bar will be flowing on Saturday evening.] [0101001010REDACT+DELETE]

Listen up! CAFFPOW is gettin’ hitched on Saturday! As such, he’s going to be a mess of matrimonial bliss, green-medicinal smoke cloud, and bubble-spirit brain-smash! Hell, I’m not even sure this post’ll list me as the writer, since I’m just messin’ up something CAFFPOW already wrote.

That’s right, you sons-of-bitches — it’s Rendar Frankenstein back in the house and I want to know what the hell you’re doin’ this weekend!

Keep Reading »

I’m getting married in eight days, folks. Which means that this weekend is Bachelor Weekend. Where Rendar whisks me away to Portland, Maine. To commit all sorts of sins against the Elder Gods and New. I’m Opening The Bar Early, so that I can do it before I wade deep into the Atlantic Ocean never to be seen again. Hang here for a variety of reasons this weekend!

Keep Reading »

Every Sunday night we die, and every Friday evening we are born again. Those of us lucky enough to be afforded weekends. Those of us lucky enough to have a job. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes it can be a drag. Being a cog in Immortan Joe’s Extraction Machine. But sometimes it’s right to be like, “fuck, yo. I’m really glad to have a job that keeps the Aqua Cola running and the GasTown diesel powering the lights.” So with that quickly eroding gratitude, let’s open up the Weekend Open Bar.

Keep Reading »

First weekend of my post-semester existence! Which, really, doesn’t mean much to me. Still papers to grade. Still college essays to read for placements. Still a conference presentation to cobble together. Still a looming summer semester to plan for. Still a wedding. Fuck, fuck, fuck! But honestly? I’m sort of addicted to the chaos. Whenever I truly have nothing to do, I sort of fart about. Eat too much. Lament my mortal coil’s sloughing. But when I’m busy? Miserable. Ah! To be bipolar. Ah! To be human. Enough about me, though. This is Weekend Open Bar!

Keep Reading »

Oh dip! I’m seriously fucking busy today! But I’ve strapped a rocket to my well-oiled taint (to prevent burn), said my prayers to the Gods, Old and New, and I’m flying past the Space-Ship to ignite the Weekend Open Bar! The weekly two-day siesta-spanning column at the End of Good Taste and the Internet! Come in here, hammered! Come in here, bored! Come in here, well-feed and looking for conversation. The name of the game is sharing your weekend delights with likeminded, depraved individuals (hi!). Share plans, thoughts, meals, movies, games, gabbing. Anything goes!

Keep Reading »

What’s next?! What’s next?! It’s the fucking Weekend! Kick open the doors to the Bar! Get the tap flowing! Gather around and share what you’re up to this these next two days! Be it seeing Age of Ultron. Or hunting aliens in Grand Theft Auto V. Share gifs, share stories. Share empirical evidence that somehow we survived the snow and that the color green still exists.

Keep Reading »

It’s the fucking weekend! Gather ye rosebuds while ye may! And fucking smoke them! Get lifted, ascend to a new level of Enlightenment! And then waste that Enlightenment on video games, comic books, hikes in the woods, eating too much! Whatever the fuck you want to do this weekend! But so long as you’re smoking them rose buds, crushing them Adult Sodas, and enjoying a break from the work week, hang out here! At the Weekend Open Bar! Anything goes as long as it is in the spirit of celebration. Unless it’s lighting your pubes on fire in the bathroom. We’ve had a spat of that lately (sorry), and we still can’t get the smell out of the pineapple wallpaper.

Keep Reading »

It’s the fucking Weekend, yo! At least for me. I bailed on my job a smidgen early. Samantha (the bae) is getting home from a week on business in Lisbon, Portugal. So I was all like, “Yeah fuck helping the youth for the rest of the day. I’m going to get home, throw the crumbs off the bedsheets, and wash my ass.” And here I am! Unwashed, and drawing the Bar doors Open. If you’re new to this game, this little morsel of Omega is simple.

Keep Reading »