[image via all games beta]

This shit is everywhere today, but what the fuck, why not mention it here? It’s a slow news day, I ain’t got nothing on my plate but academic articles and perpetual escape to pornography to break up the drudgery.

via kotaku:

Super Mario Crossover is a flash recreation of the original Super Mario Bros. with a twist. You can choose to play as Mario, sure, but you can also play as five other classic gaming icons, complete with their weapons and special moves. Simon Belmont has his whip. When Bill eats a mushroom, he gains rapid-fire. Mega Man can slide, Link has his boomerang, and Samus can plant bombs in her ball form. Even the music changes to match each character. It’s brilliant.

Play this shit over at the creator’s website. Dude is a god.

Yo! EA Games and Visceral, I’m a big fan of Dead Space. Huge fan. One of my favorite games of the generation. So feel free to send me shit like this:

via destructoid:

Reader Brian Hackney gets some weird stuff in his mail. He just shot over to us some strange Dead Space 2 material that showed up in his real-life inbox the other day. The documents include notes from a doctor who seems to be taking care of someone who is undergoing transformation into a Necromorph, a Rorschach test and an envelope with a stain on it that resembles the silhouette of a man.

Sounds pretty fucking rad and creepy. The day I begin receiving mysterious viral packages from gaming companies is the day I’ll consider myself a success. Until then, feel free to mail me your video game accessories and pictures of Christina Hendricks.

…Yeah, this thing is a) excessive b) ridiculous and c) amazing. The problem is that every Halo game has done less and less for me. I’ll give ODST double-daps for having an engaging narrative, but…I don’t know. I’m skeptical. Let’s put it that way. I’ll buy the game, albeit not this edition. But to spend $150 for the luxurious edition of a game that could be very well “meh”, seems a bit insane.

via kotaku:

With a price of $149.99, the Halo Reach Legendary Edition is one of the pricier collector’s editions we’ve seen, but it certainly isn’t without reason. There’s not mini-plastic cat helmet inside this box. Instead, Bungie commissioned McFarlane Toys to create a 10 inch tall, 10 pound diorama statue featuring the members of Noble Team, the stars of the game.

As if that weren’t enough, the Legendary Edition also comes with a flaming Spartan helmet for multiplayer, as well as all of the contents of the Limited Edition, all packed inside a striking UNSC-themed custom box.

I’m sure when I buy the Mass Effect 3: Erotica Edition that features “Simulated underwear worn by Yeoman Chambers during glorious, glorious, finally achieved sex with female Shepard”, you’ll be able to say the same thing to me.

Motherfucking Marvel Vs Capcom 3 is real, and there’s a trailer to prove it. I can’t even count how many hours I poured over Marvel vs Capcom 2 on my Japanese Dreamcast. Or how many expletives I dropped as I was air-juggled through a crouching fierce punch. Fucking bullshit! Anyways. Despite showing absolutely no gameplay, this trailer has me geeking out. Fuck Street Fighter IV, this franchise captures the spirit of my generation. Super fast paced, numbers and happenings everywhere, buttons mashing a-go-go. That’s probably heretical to some, but to me it’s axiom.

[source : all games beta]

Magic everywhere in this bitch! The more I see of Super Mario Galaxy 2, the more I am convinced it is the product of an excessive amount of hallucinogenics and awesomeness. I really need this game. Super now.

[source: tanooki via destructoid]

Oh shit, Super Mario Galaxy 2 features 2D gameplay! WTF, awesome. Two-dimensional. The good old days. Before pubes and polygons and raging psychosis. There’s a certain simplicity to 2D gameplay that continually draws us back. You know you still love it. For all the perks and benefits of a zillion-polygons and bonerfying graphics, a little old school Mario still makes me a fucking happy clam.

Alright, there isn’t much super-violence in this trailer, but there clearly is an insane amount of dense-muscle fiber. I enjoy how they try to make the game so thematic and emotional, when I just want to be killing dudes with my fucking chainsaw gun.

It’s going to be righteous, though. When this drops I’m going to pop a viagra, snort a pixie stick or seven, and party the fuck out!

Last week I called out the Modern Warfare 2 whiners for the bunch of silly bitches they are. They whine and whine, and just like Warcraft haters, they continue to suck on the grizzled tit they lambast so often. I predicted they would still turn out like whores in heat to gobble up the Modern Warfare 2 DLC, Stimulus Pack. Well, what do you know, I was fucking correct.

via kotaku:

One million of those purchases and downloads occurred within the first 24 hours, according to a statement from Activision. In dollar terms, that’s over $37 million USD in revenue in the map pack’s first week on the market, a clear sign that 2.5 million people quickly came to grips with the Stimulus Package pricing.

Despite groaning like a bunch of dickbags about prices, and how much the maps suck, and blah, blah, blah, it still sold in fuckloads. Just admit it, you love Modern Warfare 2. It’s okay to say it.

Gears of War 3 has been OOPS announced too early. I was totally shocked that a third installment in a highly successful franchise was coming. I damn near shit my pantaloons.

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The XBOX 360’s USB Storage Update arrived today. Fucking yawn. I’m just going to reiterate what I’ve said before about this bullshit:

Via A Previous Rant of Mine

Wait, so you can only use flash drives, or your external hard drives can only be utilized for 16gb of their space? I wonder why.

Hard drives for the 360 are the biggest fucking rip-off going. For $120, you can get a 250gb hard drive. They’re fucking our wallets with thorny cocks. I got a 350gb hard drive for my PS3 for seventy-five dollars. And I’m sure they’re way cheaper now.

How about you douchebags at Microsoft stop raping our wallets and allow us to use the full scope of any external hard drives we may have? ‘Cause I have a 1 TB external hard drive that I paid a hundred bucks for, and that makes a lot more sense to me than getting raped by your proprietary bullshit, okay? I love your system, I already bought the 120gb hard drive like a fucking asshole, I pay for XBOX Live!, c’mon, do me a solid.

Seriously. I love my XBOX. I’m actually an XBOX fanboy. And yet, if you guys want to keep up with the PS3, dudes, you might want to go ahead and change a few things. Since you already don’t offer Blu-Ray, you may want to cut the proprietary bullshit.

Fucks.