‘Gears of War 3’ Announced: Get Ready To Roid the Fuck Out, April 2011!

gears of war 3

Gears of War 3 has been OOPS announced too early. I was totally shocked that a third installment in a highly successful franchise was coming. I damn near shit my pantaloons.


Somebody at Microsoft appears to have flicked a switch a little early, with an advertisement appearing on the Xbox 360 dashboard tonight for Gears of War 3. There’s the trademark Gears of War logo, and a tagline that reads “The epic story concludes April 2011”. The ad appears to have jumped the proverbial gun, with the official reveal of the game not expected to have taken place until an appearance from Epic’s Cliff Bleszinski on the Jimmy Fallon show on Monday night.

I fucking love the Gears of War franchise! Why? Well, let’s see. It plays like the brainchild of a thirteen year-old with a fucking boner. Everyone is totally jacked and everyone is running around fucking shooting things! It’s fucking X-TREME.

It’s something that my friend Bags would think of back when he was in middle school. He’s the same guy that played through Resident Evil 5 with me, and I could literally hear him moaning into his microphone about how “ripped” Chris Redfield was.

Marcus Phoenix is fucking awesome because he has a saw on his gun and he shoots the fucking shit out of shit while having edgy facial hair.

I’m not kidding, I dig this shit. Hard.