[via .tiff]

If you didn’t play Ocarina Of Time, you’re going to Hell. It’s in the bible. But that’s okay, HAIL SATAN.

I always happily shit myself. Let me get that out of the way. I’m sitting on a fudge mound happily tucked between buttcheeks and boxer-briefs. But yeah, this trailer for Dead Space is the super illin’. The original blew my fucking mind, and I can only imagine the sequel is going to do the game. Check the trailer out after the jump.

[image via all games beta]

This shit is everywhere today, but what the fuck, why not mention it here? It’s a slow news day, I ain’t got nothing on my plate but academic articles and perpetual escape to pornography to break up the drudgery.

via kotaku:

Super Mario Crossover is a flash recreation of the original Super Mario Bros. with a twist. You can choose to play as Mario, sure, but you can also play as five other classic gaming icons, complete with their weapons and special moves. Simon Belmont has his whip. When Bill eats a mushroom, he gains rapid-fire. Mega Man can slide, Link has his boomerang, and Samus can plant bombs in her ball form. Even the music changes to match each character. It’s brilliant.

Play this shit over at the creator’s website. Dude is a god.

Yo! EA Games and Visceral, I’m a big fan of Dead Space. Huge fan. One of my favorite games of the generation. So feel free to send me shit like this:

via destructoid:

Reader Brian Hackney gets some weird stuff in his mail. He just shot over to us some strange Dead Space 2 material that showed up in his real-life inbox the other day. The documents include notes from a doctor who seems to be taking care of someone who is undergoing transformation into a Necromorph, a Rorschach test and an envelope with a stain on it that resembles the silhouette of a man.

Sounds pretty fucking rad and creepy. The day I begin receiving mysterious viral packages from gaming companies is the day I’ll consider myself a success. Until then, feel free to mail me your video game accessories and pictures of Christina Hendricks.

…Yeah, this thing is a) excessive b) ridiculous and c) amazing. The problem is that every Halo game has done less and less for me. I’ll give ODST double-daps for having an engaging narrative, but…I don’t know. I’m skeptical. Let’s put it that way. I’ll buy the game, albeit not this edition. But to spend $150 for the luxurious edition of a game that could be very well “meh”, seems a bit insane.

via kotaku:

With a price of $149.99, the Halo Reach Legendary Edition is one of the pricier collector’s editions we’ve seen, but it certainly isn’t without reason. There’s not mini-plastic cat helmet inside this box. Instead, Bungie commissioned McFarlane Toys to create a 10 inch tall, 10 pound diorama statue featuring the members of Noble Team, the stars of the game.

As if that weren’t enough, the Legendary Edition also comes with a flaming Spartan helmet for multiplayer, as well as all of the contents of the Limited Edition, all packed inside a striking UNSC-themed custom box.

I’m sure when I buy the Mass Effect 3: Erotica Edition that features “Simulated underwear worn by Yeoman Chambers during glorious, glorious, finally achieved sex with female Shepard”, you’ll be able to say the same thing to me.

Motherfucking Marvel Vs Capcom 3 is real, and there’s a trailer to prove it. I can’t even count how many hours I poured over Marvel vs Capcom 2 on my Japanese Dreamcast. Or how many expletives I dropped as I was air-juggled through a crouching fierce punch. Fucking bullshit! Anyways. Despite showing absolutely no gameplay, this trailer has me geeking out. Fuck Street Fighter IV, this franchise captures the spirit of my generation. Super fast paced, numbers and happenings everywhere, buttons mashing a-go-go. That’s probably heretical to some, but to me it’s axiom.

[source : all games beta]

Magic everywhere in this bitch! The more I see of Super Mario Galaxy 2, the more I am convinced it is the product of an excessive amount of hallucinogenics and awesomeness. I really need this game. Super now.

[source: tanooki via destructoid]

Oh shit, Super Mario Galaxy 2 features 2D gameplay! WTF, awesome. Two-dimensional. The good old days. Before pubes and polygons and raging psychosis. There’s a certain simplicity to 2D gameplay that continually draws us back. You know you still love it. For all the perks and benefits of a zillion-polygons and bonerfying graphics, a little old school Mario still makes me a fucking happy clam.

Alright, there isn’t much super-violence in this trailer, but there clearly is an insane amount of dense-muscle fiber. I enjoy how they try to make the game so thematic and emotional, when I just want to be killing dudes with my fucking chainsaw gun.

It’s going to be righteous, though. When this drops I’m going to pop a viagra, snort a pixie stick or seven, and party the fuck out!

Hey! Hideo Kojima today proved he doesn’t just talk mindless bullshit in his games:

via kotaku:

Kojima says, via Twitter, that he’s daydreaming/obsessing over his future project, putting his brain in “The Next Title Mode.” That means “pondering over the next project’s voice cast” and its “title, game design, story, characters, setting, mechs, casting, direction of the graphics, sound, beginning & ending, and key story sequences.”

“It all molds together naturally in my head,” Kojima writes. That next project could very well be the already announced Metal Gear Solid: Rising, announced at E3 2009 for the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, or something else entirely–just don’t get your hopes up yet, considering the Kojima Productions head’s obligations to the two still unreleased Metal Gear games and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow. Kojima also says his “next title” will “challenge a certain type of taboo.”

Wait, melodramatic statements? Overwrought bullshit? Why, it simply HAS to be Hideo Kojima.

Hideo Kojima spends most of his time making his video games incomprehensible piles of slop. He takes some interesting social commentary, wraps it around melodrama, sprinkles in a bit of pontificating, and all of a sudden like thirteen cool concepts come together as one retarded vomitfart of doom. In case you didn’t catch me there, I thought Metal Gear Solid 4 had like fourteen neat themes, but it culminated in a pile of shit.