Last week I called out the Modern Warfare 2 whiners for the bunch of silly bitches they are. They whine and whine, and just like Warcraft haters, they continue to suck on the grizzled tit they lambast so often. I predicted they would still turn out like whores in heat to gobble up the Modern Warfare 2 DLC, Stimulus Pack. Well, what do you know, I was fucking correct.

via kotaku:

One million of those purchases and downloads occurred within the first 24 hours, according to a statement from Activision. In dollar terms, that’s over $37 million USD in revenue in the map pack’s first week on the market, a clear sign that 2.5 million people quickly came to grips with the Stimulus Package pricing.

Despite groaning like a bunch of dickbags about prices, and how much the maps suck, and blah, blah, blah, it still sold in fuckloads. Just admit it, you love Modern Warfare 2. It’s okay to say it.

Gears of War 3 has been OOPS announced too early. I was totally shocked that a third installment in a highly successful franchise was coming. I damn near shit my pantaloons.

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The XBOX 360’s USB Storage Update arrived today. Fucking yawn. I’m just going to reiterate what I’ve said before about this bullshit:

Via A Previous Rant of Mine

Wait, so you can only use flash drives, or your external hard drives can only be utilized for 16gb of their space? I wonder why.

Hard drives for the 360 are the biggest fucking rip-off going. For $120, you can get a 250gb hard drive. They’re fucking our wallets with thorny cocks. I got a 350gb hard drive for my PS3 for seventy-five dollars. And I’m sure they’re way cheaper now.

How about you douchebags at Microsoft stop raping our wallets and allow us to use the full scope of any external hard drives we may have? ‘Cause I have a 1 TB external hard drive that I paid a hundred bucks for, and that makes a lot more sense to me than getting raped by your proprietary bullshit, okay? I love your system, I already bought the 120gb hard drive like a fucking asshole, I pay for XBOX Live!, c’mon, do me a solid.

Seriously. I love my XBOX. I’m actually an XBOX fanboy. And yet, if you guys want to keep up with the PS3, dudes, you might want to go ahead and change a few things. Since you already don’t offer Blu-Ray, you may want to cut the proprietary bullshit.

Fucks.

For months I’ve been trying to get into Yeoman Chamber’s pants. Like, I really wanted to. I’ve spent all of my effort and suave nature trying to convince her to make the mistake of a lifetime.

And today I found out why. BioWare is a bunch of pussies, and don’t allow same-sex romances.

I stumbled across a ballin’ article today over at Kotaku in which the writer asked why same-sex bangings couldn’t happen to the Czar of Douchery or whatever over at BioWare. The response was something like “Blah blah blah, non-answer, blah blah, we’re pussies.”

First:
I can understand where they’re coming from. Sort of.

It makes complete sense that BioWare wants to market Mass Effect 2 to the greatest and most totally largest market imaginable. And having tons of dongs rubbing dongs and vaginas grinding vaginas would probably scare people away.

I mean, for me? It would have sold a second copy for me. Dongs rubbing dongs? I’m fucking in, man. But for all the homophobes, bible-fuckers, and toothless goobers out there that yesterday jerked off to their crucifix, it would have been an instant non-sale.

I think?

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[source : no cats on the blog via gamovr]

There’s something I’ve noticed about the majority of Modern Warfare 2 gamers out there. They’re a bunch of niggling bitches. I think anytime there’s such a hardcore community revolving around one game, the majority of them seem to feel like entitled blowhards. How do I know? Dude, I’ve been playing World of Warcraft for five years. You can’t throw a rock without hitting someone complaining. “This class is over-powered”, “This dungeon sucks”, “Why can’t Blizzard get the servers to work!?”

Relax. Chill out.

And so I’ve noticed the same thing just with a superficial glance at the MW2 community. And just like WoW players? Just like WoW players, it seems like these people continue playing the game, despite their kvetching.

There’s critiquing, and there’s complaining
I’m not saying it’s unfair to criticize a game, especially when you’re passionate about it. And I’m completely okay with that. My friend Jill is a pretty ardent Call of Duty fan in general. And from time to time, she has a few complaints or criticisms that she lobs Infinity Ward’s way. But I’m cool with that? Why? ‘Cause she actually admits she enjoys the game. She criticizes, but she also can cop to enjoying the crap out of it. Most people I’ve come across simply grouse and grouse, and then they just keep trucking along.

Enjoy the fucking game.

Put your money where your mouth is, yo!
My annoyance has been reignite with the recent release of MW2’s DLC, the Stimulus Pack. In what truly is a bullshit move, they charged the fuck out of the thing for what, five maps? It’s bullshit, I’m with you on that one. But I have a funny feeling that the same vocal majority who shit themselves over the price actually caved and bought it. Watch me write this and get like fifteen people comment and go “Omg, I totally didn’t buy it.” I don’t care, I’d still say you’re in the minority.

Cut them some fucking slack.
The Stimulus Pack launched and it wasn’t without some hiccups. My Twitter feed flooded with “LOL, of course, fucking idiot MS noobs dickbags can’t get anything right.” Yo, cut these people some slack. They’re not hacks, they’re clearly dedicated and working hard. And I assure you, they know for every time they accidentally barf up on themselves they anticipate the swarming of the legions to deride them. Same thing goes for WoW. Every time there’s a patch, it’s like nerd masturbation to grouse about the servers chugging, glitches here and there.

They’re trying. I pinky swear.

Ian, you don’t know shit about shit
Probably.

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Fuck yeah, Super Mario Galaxy 2 is coming. And you better be ready with your hallucinogenic drug of choice for when this son of a bitch drops. What a trippy, engrossing, rewarding game the first Galaxy was.

I am pretty stoked about the sequel, and the trailer only increases my frothing demand. The gameplay is so sexy, so familiar, yet altered. I camped out for thirteen hours on release day for a Wii that simply fucking sits there. But if I can get a new Mario game every couple of years, it’ll be forever worth it.

Before you watch the video below, shave off all your pubic hair, pretend you don’t have wet dreams, and imagine you’re a fucking kid again. DO WANT.

When the Zombie Apocalypse hits, Akuma is going to Shoryuken your fucking brains out. Then eat them.

[ source/more pictures : all games beta ]

No, I didn’t get to go to PAXEAST this weekend. But my friend Jill, the uber female gamer, did. And being an amazing friend and all, she knows my proclivity for worshiping Bayonetta. The result of which was her taking this picture for me from the floors of PAX. Maybe it was for the best I didn’t go. As I imagine my girlfriend watching me being dragged off, screaming, clutching to the ground, foaming at the mouth, I’m like, yeah, that was probably for the best I didn’t see this in person.

Double kudos to Jill for thinking of me as I wept at home. Check out her Twitter, follow her blog, and if you ever find yourself in a game of Modern Warfare 2 with her, god help you. She’s going to own you.