It’s hard for someone addicted to latex, fetish porn, and the darker corners of our culture to be amazed. But this just about did it. Not the sort of piss play I’m used to seeing. No sir. You see, Sega has piss controlled urinal games in Japan. There really isn’t anything else to say. You aim your “piss” to do well. Hit the bullseye and shit.

Watching it, all I could muster was “This is absolutely insane.”

Hit the jump for the piss play in action. [No shots of dong. For better or worse.]

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I’m having a decent amount of fun in Cataclysm. It’s fun. But in the back of my mind I really fantasize about the next MMO from Blizzard. You know, one without Nintendo 64 graphics. My own graphics whoreness sort of bums me out, but I’m just keeping it real. So when Blizzard confirmed “Titan” as their next MMO, my balls sort of tingled.

You’ll recognize Titan is that mysterious game that appeared on a leaked Blizzard release schedule from a bit back. You know, the one that ended up with the Blizzard China CEO or whatever getting canned. If that wasn’t confirmation enough of the accuracy of the list, than these comments from WoW producer Frank Pearce should.

Joystiq:

In an interview with Destructoid, World of Warcraft producer Frank Pearce finally confirmed “Titan” as at least a codename for Blizzard’s new MMO projectd. “The media is not supposed to know anything about [Titan],” Pearce said with a smile. “It’s our next-gen MMO, and we’ve only started talking about it in a limited fashion because we wanna leverage the fact that we’re working on something like that for the purpose of recruiting, getting some of the best talent in the industry on that project.” Does “we made WoW” not work well enough for recruiting developers?

Do your balls tighten at the thought of a next-gen Blizzard MMO? God my constrict. Here’s hoping it’s in some sort of futuristic setting. I ain’t never played one of them Starcraft titles, but I’d be willing to love it.

Thoughts? Hit the comments box. You sluts.

Good lord, and then there was spooge. Naughty Dog released a direct feed of the Uncharted 3 gameplay that they aired on the Jimmy Fallon show this week. It’s a double win. You get ridiculously sexy gameplay footage, and!, there’s no annoying ass Jimmy Failon.

Hit the jump for the video. Stroke your loins. Merry Christmas.

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Capcom dropped the cinematic trailer for MvC3 today, and good lord is it splooge. Through the means of some nefarious vial, they’re tying the two worlds together, and I wonder just what the fuck it means. Is it silly? Of course it but. But the trailer is an assload of Marvel and Capcom villains thrashing each other. If you can’t get down to Sir Arthur and the Hulk rocking out side by side, you’re fucking invalid man. Neg value.

Hit the jump for the trailer.

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Well, it was only a matter of time. Sex game company ThriXXX has finally done the perv world a solid and hacked Kinect. They didn’t just hack it for fun, no sir. They hacked it to create a virtual interface for rubbing boobs, butts, and down the road: a lot more.

They want to add full-body support and voice commands.

I gotta level with you guys. I’m a goddamn pervert, and even I find this shit uncomfortable. There’s something about menacingly rubbing some virtual chick’s bits as she stares emptily at you that creeps me the fuck out. Though, I’m sure, this will only turn (a lot of ) people on moreso.

Hit the jump for this beauty (?) in motion.

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Found this today over at Aesthetically Pleezin, and I gotta be honest with you folks. I couldn’t make it through this entire video. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m excitable. Like, really. When something gets me pumped up, I begin running around and smiling and acting like a general tardanite. So when I watched this video I began tweaking, and losing my shit.

Uncharted 3. On Jimmy Fallon. This game is going to fucking own my soul.

Hit the jump for the video. Try and not tweak, I got that shit covered for both of us.

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Well then! The trailers for the sequels to my favorite franchises of this generation get revealed tonight. First Mass Effect, and now this. Fucking Uncharted 3. They announced the official date: November 1, 2011 and then dropped this trailer on us. Do you know how hard it is to type with a purple-headed priapism and the jitters? Uncharted 3 looks fucking retarded. Retardedly amazing. Sweet God, let me live through 2011 to see these games. Just let me.

Hit the jump for the Uncharted 3 reveal trailer. You’re welcome for the pants-poppin’.

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OH FUCK YEAH, the Spike VGAs just officially became relevant to me. Fucking Mass Effect 3 fucking trailer was dropped. Holy shit and a bag of hard tits. Shepard   has to save Earth. We knew that yesterday. But still. Someone has to save my pants. I’m flooding them with piss and splooge and goop. I’m dehydrated but loving life.

Hit the jump for the fucking trailer.

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The plot for Mass Effect 3 leaked today. Maybe. Probably. There’s a good chance it’s legit. It comes from the listing of Mass Effect 3 on the EA online store. Want to hear it? Well, it’s why you’re here, isn’t it?

Earth is burning. Striking from beyond known space, a race of terrifying machines have begun their destruction of the human race. As Commander Shepard, an Alliance Marine, your only hope for saving mankind is to rally the civilizations of the galaxy and launch one final mission to take back the Earth

Fucking rad. It’s about time that they finally let us motherfucking cosmos-hoppers return to where we all began. It makes sense to pin the final chapter of the first Mass Effect trilogy squarely to the one, most important planet they haven’t let us see yet.

I need this game. I need it now.

Via.

I am but a mortal man this morning. Typically, before conjuring the demons through the phalanges, I take a ritualistic trip. To my favorite distributor of caffeine: the 7-Eleven. My car in the shop, surely being fucked by   mechanical gurus, I am stuck at home. Without the energy drink. I am marooned. The voices are not speaking to me. The eyes of God obscured. Nonetheless, this is Press Start! The gaming column where I recount the five things that caught my eyes this week. The list isn’t indicative of importance, and I encourage you to share in the comments box.

Sharing is caring.

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#1: EA Boss: Single-Player Only Games Are Finished.
Look at the image above. Gaze deep into the abyss behind the eyes. His name is Frank Gibeau. And according to your perspective, he may be either the devil, or simply the man willing to speak the truth. Sounding off in an article over at IGN, Gibeua made the proclamation, “I firmly believe that the way the products we have are going they, need to be connected online. Multiplayer is one form of that.” Translation: stop complaining about us shoehorning multiplayer into your beloved games. ‘Cause it isn’t going anywhere, you griping pig fuckers.

I’m still trying to figure out if hes the devil, or simple astute.

I fucking hate how everything is getting a multiplayer stapled onto it. The latest casualty is Mass Effect 3, which is going to see multiplayer shoved into it. Unwelcome penetration. It makes sense though, since BioWare is owned by EA. Everything is connected!

It makes too much business sense to not throw multiplayer into everything. If you share my sentimnent, you’re out of luck. The unwashed masses are clamoring for it. They beg for the ability to shoot people in any setting. With this knowledge in hand, the talking heads will see fit that games like Dead Space and Mass Effect will get stuffed down the gullet with multiplayer.

He is an astute devil.

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#2: You Can Buy A Nintendo Guitar. Excessive Nerdosity.
Oh hell yeah! Would there be a better way to complete the heavy metal dork tribute to Dimebag than to drop some Sandblasted Skin across the frets of a guitar built from an original Nintendo? The mind boggles. It’s well accepted that the Dorks and Heavy Metal Meat Heads (I am both, so don’t complain) ovals overlap big time on a venn diagram. Now it’s time to just take it one step closer towards being official. The chaps at GetLoFi will sell you one of these beasts for $150 Imperial credits.

Go on, buy it. Can you really put a price on your dorky awesomeness?

Speaking of awesome constructs: Kinect hack brings self-aware flying machine. Fucking righteous.

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#:3 Japanese Virtual Sex Club Lets You Buy Porn Stars, Dildos, Spatulas.
I am constantly amazed at the lengths to which people will go to rocket an orgasm throughout their synapses. People are ridiculous. This musing usually comes as I have an elastic band around my testicles, hanging from the hooks connected from my back to the ceiling. But still. We have to have some standards, right?

Gaming developer DMM.com has revealed the game, “Virtual Sex Club”, and isn’t that a hell of a title? You pay a monthly fee, which affords you 30,000 gold. With this gold, you can go about buying various things. Porn stars, sex toys, even sexual positions. Your gold runs out really fucking fast, which is obvious because you can spend it on everything, up to minutiae like the color of your virtual fuck’s nails.

There’s sexual objectification, and then there’s this. Sweaty hands clicking across mouses, manipulating cursors. Perfecting their virtual fuck.

Now, the moment we can vat grow mindless male and female automatons that are built to our specifications for our fuckery, wake me up. They’ll last a specified amount of time, before evaporating into a cloud, their vat-flesh only a temporary construct. But sadly my future has not arrived yet, and I’m stuck to buying spatulas and banana-shaped dildos instead.

If this Japanese amazement isn’t your speed, you can also buy the game where you slap bugs off your date’s tits to “protect her”.

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