#Video Games
COMPUTER MADE A GAME BY ITSELF. Entered Into Competition. It’s All Over.
Wait computers haven’t made games yet? I just sort of assumed. Maybe it’s because I wear tight leather pants, jack into the Matrix nightly, and generally stick Neuromancer up my ass while wearing sunglasses in the middle of a dark room. Still though, this is pretty gnarly. And terrifying.
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‘DIABLO 3: REAPER OF SOULS’ dropping NEXT MARCH.
Devils be damned! Diablo 3: Another Bite of the Apple is dropping next March. Despite my general lack of enthusiasm for D3 proper, I am fucking stoked for this expansion. Blizzard took a proper beatdown overDiablo 3, and I’m going to be optimistic and believe that they have implemented changes accordingly.
DUDE HUGE (Cliff Bleszinski) wants to make FIRST-PERSON ARENA SHOOTER on PC. Old School Stylee.
Dude Huge has revealed his want. His burning desire. After leaving Gears of War and Epic like two years or go whatever, he’s been relatively quiet. No anymore. This want? It is a return to old-school arena shooters. Fuck to the yes.
OCULUS has raised another $75 MILLI in funding for the OCULUS RIFT.
Oculus continues to cobble together huge sums of money in order to fund their Oculus Rift gadget. That’s a serious amount of cash for a serious gadget that is giving serious dorks serious priapisms.
‘FALLOUT 4’ IS REAL, LEAKED DOCUMENTS CONFIRM. BOSTON A-GO-GO.
Fuck you, Bethesda! Not releasing anything. Fuck you, Troll Guy who created the fake Fallout 4 website.. Fallout 4 is real and Fallout 4 is set in Massachusetts. I’m so fucking sprung right now. Typing with my painfully swollen nerd-dong. God, get this game in me already.
Notch was like NAH, TURNED DOWN JOB AT VALVE to make ‘Minecraft.’
Notch has got himself quite the life. Not that he ain’t earned it. How many people can look down the barrel of a job at Valve. Decline. Then turn around and pump out one of gaming’s cultural phenomenons?
At least one.
‘DOOM’ turns TWENTY YEARS OLD
Oh golly, these fucking bones. No wonder my asshole is leaking more than usual. The gray hairs are taking up serious residence on my dome-piece. I’m getting old. Not only am I aging like a motherfucker, but I’m getting reminders of my forthcoming senility too.
‘NO MAN’S SKY’ Trailer: SCI-FI GAMING GAUNTLET THROWN
Holy shit. My Twitter feed blew up about this trailer for No Man’s Sky, and I was all like “Man wut?” Then I saw it. Good Lords of Kobol. Alien worlds, space fighters, gorgeous visuals. I’m stunned.
‘GAME OF THRONES’ GAME Teaser Trailer: Polygons Are Coming
Hey man, whatever. The reservoir of “Winter Is Coming” jokes dried up a long, long, long time ago. None the less, Telltale Games is making an episodic game series based off of Dragons and Incest.
Hit the jump for the teaser trailer.
‘TALES FROM THE BORDERLANDS’ TRAILER: Everybody wants to HUNT VAULTS
Never mind my hesitation. All it took was a trailer to make me loot-moan. My vault is ready to gape open for this goodness,
