#Video Games
Indignant Gasp! Microsoft pays YouTube personalities to promote Xbox One
This is a surprise! A horrible, wrenching surprise. Apparently Microsoft pays, pays! YouTube personalities to promote XB1. Here I thought these folks were bulletproof, incapable of being morally assailed.
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OH LAWD: Free-To-Play Shooter ‘CROSSFIRE’ makes NEARLY $1 BILLI.
Sign I’m getting old: I ain’t even heard of Crossfire. Fucking free-to-play game first-person shooter. Despite not hearing of it, the son of a bitch made nearly a billion dollars last year. A fucking billion dollars!
After crap console sales, Nintendo “thinking about a new business structure.”
I want Nintendo to succeed because Nintendo is woven into the very fabric of who I am. Their games sculpted this rotting psycho-carcass that is lodged in my cranium. That said, I have’t bought a Wii U. I even want one, but I haven’t been able to get myself there. Already got too many consoles. Only so many HDMI ports. Spoiled geek problems.
Lead ‘WORLD OF WACRAFT’ designer has joined Riot Games
The lead dude behind World of Warcraft has joined Riot Games. You may know The Rioting Gamers as the company who has created that League of Legends game. Which is like — way huge. But I don’t really know about it. You see, I’m old as shit. Once you get me past Super Mario Worlds 2D, I’m pretty much useless. I do know that Warcraft World game though. Took the better part of my twenties. Just drinking Dew, rotting my brain, and jacking off furiously between raid wipes. The good old days.
Wait, what is this post about again?
GameStop sales holiday sales achieve new high of $3.15 billi. So many Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers.
GameStop! The infernal machine that drudges on, shucking off assassination attempts from many a foes. They shall take your used games and shove them down another gamer’s dumb throat at a mighty profit! They cannot be stopped!, having turned a record high in holiday sales. Despite selling less new software. The machine. Cannot be stopped.
Gnarly Metroid fan art shows wounded Samus. Wounds my heart.
Here’s some gnarly Metroid artwork. Showing a moderately wounded, totally triumphant Samus Aran just hanging out in her power suit. Taking a breather. Stunning tho, like 4 real.
Hit the jump for the full look.
Sony announces ‘PLAYSTATION NOW’ STREAMING SERVICE. GAMES. EVERYWHERE.
Sony has announced PlayStation Now, which will allow you to stream PS1, PS2, and PS3 games to all sorts of fucking devices. Tablets and your PS4, your Television, pretty much insanity.
‘STARCRAFT’ pro gaming legend COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT. Hulkster++
Can’t help but relate this to the return of a bruiser like Hulk Hogan to the arena. Or Jordan. Maybe both. As you can see, I funnel all my realities through my childhood. Anyways, I think this is amazing. I love living in a world where in it’s news that a pro gamer is coming out of retirement to whup ass. Take names.
Dude who did classic ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ box art has passed away. Frown.
Greg Martin is the man who is probably more responsible for crafting my lasting image of Sonic Fucking Blast Processing Hedgehog. Martin cut the box art for the Genesis series, and I can picture them all perfectly all these years later. Sadly the good sir has passed away, joining the series itself in Heaven. Get it? ‘Cause Sonic sucks now? Oh whatever.
Next ‘HALO’ dropping this year. Teabag your bro with glee.
My XB1 is neat. Sitting there. Talking to me. Being like “Hey man, Kinect’s scanning your dong. Telling people six inches? LOL c’mon braj know thyself. The truth will get you free.” However outside of scanning my minuscule weiner it isn’t doing much. But if it can stay strong for the next few months, it appear it’ll be getting some Master Chief action later this year.
