#Movies
‘THOR: THE DARK WORLD’ TRAILER: LOKI + BRO TEAM-UP FLICK
A new trailer for the second movie starring the character that I proved last week is empirically the greatest superhero of all time. What more do you need? Fall to your knees and thank the Lightning Lord.
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DAMON LINDELOF is TIRED of MOVIE DISASTER PORN. POT, MEET KETTLE.
Damon Lindelof has spoken out against movie disaster porn, which is hilarious. Such a act of dumb assery underscores the fact that Lindelof is not just a fledgling, self-congratulatory, horrific plotter. Instead he is also the recipient of at best, an embryonic sense of self. Dude tries to cop to being guilty of movie disaster porn whilst denouncing it, but let’s be honest. The hack has spent the last two summers getting rich as fuck off of the cheap trick, penning two movies (Prometheus and Star Trek Into Ennui) that feature iconography that harkens back to 9/11.
HARRISON FORD starring in ‘EXPENDABLES 3’, thereby BLOWING MY F**KING MIND
Really, Harry? I mean I know you still rock that bad ass earring and all. But sheesh. Years of not wanting to associate with Star Wars (something rectified by the money truck for Episode VII, I bet), and you sign on for this? Hey man. Whatever floats your fucking boat. Whatever makes your earring shine in the daylight.
GUILLERMO DEL TORO originally wanted CHARLIE DAY as BADDIE in ‘PACIFIC RIM 2.’
File under: if only the movie didn’t make like $7. At some point, somewhere, in his beautiful mind, Guillermo Del Toro wanted Charlie Day to be the villain of the second Pacific Rim. I can see it. Fanboy kaijuu guy turns mad scientist guy person thing. Here is hoping the movie continues to draw overseas, and Del Toro still has this trajectory in mind.
Rumor: ‘G.I. JOE: RETALIATION’ DIRECTOR JON M. CHU to direct ‘STAR TREK 3.’
I don’t know Jon M. Chu’s works. So while I’m inclined to write something unfairly catty like “I bet you all wish Abrams was still aboard that fucking Enterprise!”, it’d just be empty and pointless. So uh. Yeah. Anyone familiar? I wanted to see Retaliation (I love me some Rock), but never got around to it.
WHEDON: Thanos was never the NEXT VILLAIN. Would love FURY on S.H.I.E.L.D. show.
Another day, another batch of Joss Whedon sound bites. Eh, I don’t care! I’m the speculation swine! I smack my lips all over the delicious morsels of news regarding Avengers 2. I am gluttonous, I hate myself, but I cannot stop.
RUMOR: GOSLING, BROLIN up for BATMAN in ‘BATMAN VS SUPERMAN’ or whatever
Looks like 50% of the fucking Gangster Squad is becoming considered to don the cowl for Batman vs Superman vs Batman: The Dark Guy Strikes Things or whatever. And if they can’t get them, Warner Bros is only considering like 3,000 other people.
MILES TELLER is in lead for MR. FANTASTIC role in ‘FANTASTIC FOUR.’
Real talk: I don’t know anything about Miles Teller. Do you? Yes? No? Well regardless, if this casting rumors comes to fruition us geeks will be learning a lot about him in the upcoming months.
Denzel Washington turns down ‘FAST & FURIOUS 7’ ROLE. YOUR LOSS, DUDE.
This sort of aggression will not stand, mannn. Denzel Washington turned down a role in the sequel to this year’s empirically greatest, most testicle-caressing philosophical adventure. Ya’ll know the one I’m talking about. And this, Denzel. This makes you an uber-jabroni.
THREE ‘AVATAR’ SEQUELS are coming. MEDIOCRITY IN DROVES starting in 2016.
What’s worse than one Avatar sequel? Why, three! James Cameron has hired a legion of writers to help pumping out scripts for the three movies. Nothing says inspiration like churning out a factory of mediocre scripts from a variety of people! Jimmy Cameron must really be feeling this Pandora adventure. Or three!
