#Caffeine Powered

‘Cowboy Bebop’ Netflix live-action casts Elena Satine as Julia. Ain’t familiar in the fucking least!

netflix cowboy bebop julia elena satine

I ain’t familiar with Elena Satine. But, she’s been cast as none other than Julia in that Cowboy Bebop adaptation. An adaptation that I quite truthfully keep forgetting is happening. Here’s hoping! Here’s hoping.

Keep Reading »

Weekend Open Bar: We Must Adapt Ourselves to the Requirements of Chaos

weekend open bar the requirements of chaos (1)

Nature simply does not give a fuck about us, my dudes. And if you can come to accept that, and work within it, it’s sort of freeing. What’s the Grand Plan for us? Nothing. And what does that mean? Fuck if I know. But, is it all hopeless? Fuck nah! At least not for me, an Absurdist Optimist. I’ll forge ahead. What does that mean?

Some days? It means eating an entire pizza, burping my dick into my underwear, and blogging for a couple hours.

Other days? It means mowing the lawn, patting my dog, and attempting to function like a normal human.

Keep Reading »

Disney reveals plans for Marvel-themed park called “Avengers Campus” so we can all be adult children forever, great

avengers campus disney

I’m torn. On one hand, I really want to go to Avengers Campus. On the other hand? All this jerking off to Marvel and other pop culture has me feeling like we’re stuck in some sort of permanent adolescence. Eh, whatever. The Amazon is burning, you’ve never been closer to death. Go have fun.

Keep Reading »

‘The Mandalorian’ gets official poster ahead of its D23 panel today. Give me this show in my fucking veins!

the mandalorian official poster

We got ourselves a trailer for The Mandalorian coming today. Figgity-fuck yeah! (?) And if you know the trailer is going to draw the cream from your balls, then this poster is a good bit of foreplay.

Keep Reading »

The PlayStation 5 design has possibly leaked. Holy fucking Flying-V, dudes!

sony playstation 5 design (2)

If you believe a now-deleted tweet, this is the design of the PlayStation 5. And obviously, my dudes, it’s fucking wild. Do I believe it? Well, the tweet was deleted. Usually a good sign something was revealed that shouldn’t have been.

Keep Reading »

Quantum teleportation has been used to send 3D information for the first time! Do I know what the fuck this means? Nope! Am I torqued? Yup!

quantum teleportation 3d information

I got it out of the way in the headline, but I’ll reiterate. I don’t really know what the fuck this means, other than: it’s progress, and it’s got the words quantum and teleportation. Is that enough to excite me? You bet your glistening tits.

Keep Reading »

‘The Report’ Trailer: Adam Driver uncovers the secret of the US government’s Post-9/11 torture program

Jesus fuck, I was just thinking about this movie last night! I was fucking watching Zero Days, a pretty fantastic documentary about the Stuxnet virus. And I was like, oh yeah speaking of shady United States behavior, when is The Report dropping? And, now! We got a new trailer.

Keep Reading »

‘Homecoming’ season 2 has Stephan James returning and Kyle Patrick Alvarez will direct all the episodes. I need this to be fucking good!

homecoming season 2 stephan james

Homecoming is getting a second season, friends. For better or worse. We’ve known that shit. However, now we know even more. Stephan James, who was fantastic in a lead role in the first season, will return. Additionally, Kyle Patrick Alvarez will direct all the episodes. How is my junk-mouth, rot-brain processing this? Cautiously. It’s hard to fathom the follow-up season approaching the heights of the original, given the absence of Sam Esmail. But, that said? It could very well rock in its own way.

Keep Reading »

Here is every device Disney+ will stream on at launch. Like, no fucking Smart TVs tho?

disney plus streaming devices

Disney has dropped the last of devices that Disney+ will be available at launch. And, like. This is the essence of a first-world problem: it ain’t launching on any Smart TVs. The fuck?

Keep Reading »

‘Metal Gear Solid’ is getting a vinyl album. If one track isn’t someone yelling “Snake” it’s utterly fucking pointless

metal gear solid vinyl album

The original Metal Gear Solid is getting a vinyl album. It’s droping for all ya’ll fucking hipsters who fucked with the original cinematic gaming experience. Me? Do I secretly wish I had a record player? Fucking of course.

Keep Reading »