That’s it. That’s the “story.” All of it. The Dork Hobbit has a mustache for role as Watson.
I feel like I must cover The Hobbit because people I care about and respect enjoy the movies. (Despite them being utter, utter, insulting piles of garbage.) So here’s a character poster for the upcoming conclusion to the (bloated, CGI-riddled, narrative nightmare that is) trilogy.
Here’s the trailer for The Desolation of Smaug. I’m not going to stunt, I enjoy seeing some dragon up in the game. It’s a shame that it took a three-hour prelude movie. It’s a shame that Jackson has to stick every fucking bit of fan service into these movies that he can. Whatever, whatever. Benjamin Cumbersnatch as a dragon. Right on.
What do you all think of the trailer?
Hey, it’s the poster for the second installment of Peter Jackson’s bloated, self-satisfied interpretation of The Hobbit starring Watson. Yawn. Oh yeah, trailer on Tuesday!
When the cultists descend from the Mountains, they’ll find my dessicated corpse next to the Xbox 360. If they’re willing to interact with the rot-flesh, perchance they could save my game. One last final save of my Mass Effect 3 playthrough, sending the file to a cloud server that no longer heeded requests. This is the way the world ends. A landfill of forgotten files on servers, leftover Netflix subscriptions no longer churning out endless episodes of Twin Peaks. Oh, I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying. This is Monday Morning Commute. The column where all us barely-evolved monkeys with keys to the Nanoverse share the things that are entertaining us on a given week. What are you partaking in this week, you turkeys?
Stretch it out and make a million, zillion dollars! Yeehaw. That has to be what the Hive-Mind Business Executives are thinking now that they’ve greenlighted Peter Jackson’s creamy-pants desire to mistakenly stretch out The Hobbit into three films. You know, the same amount of movies the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy spanned.
I don’t blame Peter Jackson for wanting to make The Hobbit a trilogy. I mean, outside of the franchise, dude is pretty much saltine crackers at this point. I do, however, groan for the content.
Peter Jackson must totally love him some Hobbit. The whacky son of a bitch isn’t content with having split The Hobbit into two flicks. Oh, no, no, no. He wants to turn the son of a bitch into a trilogy. Let that seep deep into your mind-pores.
Confession time: I consider myself a fan of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Shocking, I know, but it is just a wonderful trifecta of blockbuster filmmaking, made by an undeniably talented director (though his talents have been a bit dormant lately), cast, and crew, with all the tools and TLC necessary to bring to life an entirely new world for the big screen. And nothing illustrates this successful combination better than the series’ view of life in the Shire. It is nothing short of a pastoral wonderland, a terrific image of happiness and security before our dear hobbit friends must go on a dangerous adventure far away from it. The whole series, literally and figuratively, begins with the Shire, and the farther the characters go, the better the Shire looks to them (and the movies look to us, since it gives the audience a solid foundation). And, damnit, the more time goes on without new sights of the Shire, the more I long to go back there again as well. Luckily, Peter Jackson just wrapped up filming The Hobbit and, judging by this new poster, it doesn’t appear that he is skimping on the idealized Shire. Take a gander after the jump.