Some people around these parts are going to lube themselves with this news and just start straight-up punishing their pink bits. (Yes Neo, I’m looking at you.) Word has come out that Microsoft isn’t nearly where they want to be in the development of the Durascal 720-Kinect 2 Leviathan, to the tune of six months.
Hit the jump for the cuts, then let me know what you think.
Let’s side-step what we think of Call of Duty, or the potential game from its creators. The fact that Microsoft may be sewing up the next game from these lads is pretty impressive. The Duty franchise is a veritable license to print money, and while there isn’t anything guaranteed about this new franchise I have to imagine it’ll be making crazy dollars. In a world where Sony and Microsoft are struggling to differentiate their console from the others, this could be a hell of a marketing point.
The world of video games is an industry powered by the inane grins of fuckwitts flailing to Just Dance and the sweaty wank-palms of teens prestiging for the nineteenth time on Black Ops II. Occasionally though, this fecal assembly line spews out the odd gem, inspires the odd moment of creativity and even showcases some of the most inventive minds working today. I guess, on the whole, it isn’t quite so bad. Perhaps I should put my cynicism aside. “What’s that? Assassin’s Creed with pirates? You mean the only decent mechanic in the entire of Ass Creed III was simply to test the market for the next title?” Excuse me whilst I wretch over the starboard bow. No wonder I’m so cynical. Before I hurt someone, here’s a round-up of the less-shit things that happened in gaming this week.
Perhaps I expect too much, or maybe I’m just not as connected to the world of contemporary gaming as I want to believe I am, but something about the reception towards Sony’s PS4 announcement strikes me as being particularly lukewarm. Sure, I’m old enough now to realise that the promises of seas parting and maidens flocking aren’t ever true, but I did expect a little more fan-fare than “well, it’s not completely shit…”
Beyond the lacklustre offerings of the Wii U and the PS Vita, or the lingering promise of something from Valve or Apple, gamers have little to feed upon lately. As the next generation begins to rise from the embryonic fluid of shadowy development houses we get to weigh up the merits of a blank canvas against the fear of unfulfilled promises. So, let’s join hands and embark upon this adventure together.
Herein, I shall be fetishizing the newest PlayStation gadgetry. I imagine rubbing the components up against my naked skin. Hardened, painfully taut nipples of mine manipulate the analog sticks with uncomfortable dexterity. All the while, the camera watches. All the while. The camera watches.
Sony has unveiled their next-generation platform at today’s much anticipated Playstation meeting event. You can guess the name they went with.
In a two-hour event live-streamed through every major media outlet, the new console, its UI, its core features and its first games were shown off to the world for the first time. Let’s get to all the meat unveiled today.
‘Cause why wait until tomorrow’s actual reveal? Here are a few of the newest rumors. Release date, price, little snazzy ways to control this sumbitch. Also, I’m curious. How much are you folks willing to pay for this bad larry?
The PlayStation 4 is going to capable of something I find to be a rather interesting technological feat. It’ll be capable of streaming PS3 games from the internet. Hey! Wow! Now, you know what would be even more neat? If the system just fucking allowed me to play my own PS3 games on it. (A luxury that no next-gen system is going to offer, apparently.) Anyone have a slushy groin over this news?
Well, shite! Who needs a tried and true controller layout, when a company can roll the dice on shoehorning some sort of shitty LCD screen onto a controller? Fucking no one! Sony is upping their game by downing their game, and the rumor has it they’re being led by the nose into altering their classic controller.
GameStop makes a lot of its money off duping scrubs like me into giving them my used games, and flipping the piggies for something comfortably close to the original price. If Sony has its way, this entire ecosystem of fanboy and fangirl exploitation is going to dry up like a motherfucker. Naturally, this has sent GameStop into a panic. You can find it running in circles, proclaiming the end of doom. Follow the shouts until you find the man clad in horse skin, mouth slathered with gravy.
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