Totally didn’t see a new God of War coming down the pipeline. I’m always taken when Corporate Overlords announce new installments of Unfathomable Cash Cows. In any medium.
Squaresoft-Enix-Eidos-Whateverthefuck straight trollin’ us now. The Company That Doesn’t Matter Anymore announced today that they’re bringing Final Fantasy VII to PS4. But it ain’t the remake we’ve been clamoring for over the past fifteen years. Just an upscale whateverashit port. Same one that has already dropped on Steam.
Now fucking listen! I own both the DelayStation 4 (LOL I HATE MYSELF FOR PUNS) and the XBONE (I STILL HATE MYSELF), so I have no real vested interest in the console wars. Actually, maybe I want really healthy competition so both companies push themselves. That said — and I don’t know why — I do enjoy watching Sony continuing to roll Microsoft by their fucking ears. (And for those of you who want to point this out, I realize Sony doesn’t differentiate between PS3 and PS4 sales.)
OKAY FOLKS. Listen up. Between the alimony hearings, the drug use, the fact that Feedly went down for two fucking days, and my favorite butt plug melting in my dishwasher (which required an immediate journey to the upper mountains of the Appalachians to replace), there’s some E3 STUFF I DIDN’T GET TO. However, I also posted a fucking fuckload. Here in one batch is everything I’ve caught from E3. Posted, and previously unposted. Sorted by console. Don’t see your fave announcement/game? Hit the comments. I’ll add it. I know I’m missing a lot. Also! Use this space just to shoot the E3 shit. Read the rest of this entry »
Sony ain’t shying away from bragging about their so-far dominance of this current generation. Dropping a hurricanrana factoid like this. Apparently 1/3 of the PS4 install base was an Xbox or NintendoWiWi owner in their previous console-generation-iteration, and didn’t own a PS4.
In a move shocking EVERYONE, everyone!, there’s going to be a Titanfall 2. Go figure. Was a bit of an underground indie hit, but hey maybe there’s some credit there. Also shocking EVERYONE!, to the point where they were puking chunks of esophagus onto their keyboards in surprise, is that it won’t be an XB1 exclusive.
I’m digging this console war. PS4 versus XB1 versus my wallet versus Godzilla versus Jizz-Covered Parking Lot Wanderers. It’s the greatest battle of the generation. And so while PS4 is outselling XB1 at the moment, both are selling pretty fucking well.
All I want in life is to be able to play my old school PlayStation games on my PlayStation 4-Some. In 1080p. Is that too much to ask? (I actually want a lot of other things: a golden dildo with my name engraved, a falcon, limitless supplies of Diet Mountain Dew, to name a few.) Soon I may be getting one of those wishes granted (unfortunately not the fucking falcon).
My taint is ready to be slathered in bro goo and deployed back into the world of Far Cry. It’s been too long! Miss the Island. Miss the Blood Dragons. Good news for me then, that apparently the next installment of the mofuckah’ is arriving in early 2015. I can do this. I can make it.
Sony has revealed their VR headset, dubbed “Project Morpheus.” Maybe I’m just old and showing my age, but I don’t really get up for this. If sitting in front of a video game isn’t already a Dystopia Made Real, completely detaching from others in your own house and rummaging around a virtual world seems a final consummation. On the other hand though, gimme the Black Sun from Snow Crash (my usual refrain).