After the last Man of Steel trailer left my testicles wanting of reproductive juices, I decided I needed to change my opinion on David Goyer. So I was beginning to think maybe I should check out his show Da Vinci’s Demons. Now – fuck – I really need to get on the wagon. What is the cause of this imminent necessity? Two of my favorite writers will be penning episodes for the show’s second season.
This panel from Hawkeye had me busting gut when I read it, and now that I know the secret story behind it, the magic is doubled. Nay! Fucking tripled. So good.
Welcome to Buy These F**king Comics!, the column where all of us goobers get together and share the funny books we’re interested in buying in a given week. There is nothing so magical as hitting the shelves on Hump Day and snagging some comics to drag our wayward asses through the final two days of drudgery. Except maybe winning the PowerBall. That seems really magical. Plus, if I won it I wouldn’t have to scrape gum-covered quarters off the inside of trash cans to buy my comic books. Shit, that sounds pretty neat. Okay, so buying comic books is second in the line of majestic happenings. But it’s a close race. So, uh. Yeah. Again, welcome to the column. If I don’t mention your favorite weekly drop, let me know it in the comments section. If you are one of those booger-eating maestros who is too busy attempting to calculate the enormity of the Multiverse to know what is coming out this week, hit up Comic List. It’ll do you good.
There ain’t a multitude of titles hitting the shelves this week, and that’s aiight for two reasons. First, it saves my pittance of an allowance from evaporating with over a week to go until the next paycheck. I am a poor ass academic surviving on tutoring wages, though to be fair, what I am paid for what I do is patently ridiculous. Second, the comic books that are dropping have my tits tweaked. My nips are a deep, hungry red, begging for the funny rags to fiddle them.
This den of perversion and adolescent banality is Buy These F**king Comic Books. Within these walls we shall all share the comic books we’re excited for on a given week. I know my tastes sucks raw farts out of my dead grandmother’s ass, so remind me of the titles I missed. If you don’t know what is arriving on a particular Wednesday, Comic List will help you out.
Out of the darkness emerges a hero! It ain’t me. That hero comes along, smashes me in the gullet, and drags my corpse into the creak whilst I scream. What I can do is welcome you back to Buy These Frakin’ Comics! It’s been over a month since I saddled up to this column and shared the juicy pink comic bits I want to be snagging on a given Wednesday. Better yet? It’s been over two months since I actually snagged the funnies off a rack. Busy, man. Jaded, woman. I return today, hoping to double down on some PMA and ride the sequential artwork once more. In this here column we gather round, scratching dander out of our cracks while sharing the comic books we’re buying. Don’t see your fave rag in my list? Good. Audience participation is crucial, and I’m always looking for new finds.
Not sure what is coming out? Hit up Comic List.
How can you replace Jonathan Hickman on Fantastic Four? You can’t, you turkey! Not even Matt Fraction will fill that void for me, and ya’ll know that is saying something. Matt Fraction. Gorgeous head of hair, lovely sets of stories. Not even he can saddle up to Fantastic Four without me screaming “Not my Dad! Dammit!” What I am very excited for is the sister title FF, which seems to be going in a brilliantly Fractionian direction.
Welcome friends to the place for fans of the sequential art, thrice-engorged breasts, and monologuing. This here column is the watering hole where you can share the funny rags you’re snagging on a given week. The hole itself is Mountain Dew laced with hallucinogens, so right about the time all our faces become gaping maw anuses rocketing lasers into the night sky, begin screaming your choices while running into the wilderness.
You may notice that my choices are indubitably not yours, and that’s cool. Use it as an opportunity to recommend the hotness that no one else is mentioning, or perhaps has not heard of. If you don’t know what’s what titles are arriving this week, hit up Comic List.
Oh golly. Not only is Jonathan Hickman leaving Fantastic Four this year, it also appears that Matty Fraction is throwing up the deuces towards Invincible Iron Man. This saddens me a great deal, Fraction and Larocca having delivered quality Anthony Stark tales for the past, what, four years? Damn. Double damn.
Sweet merciful lord, bare pity on me. I am not worthy of all the hotness that Image comics continues to unfurl. I am not. However, with your blessing I will sweat all over them like the excited fanboy I am. New works from Fraction? Graham? And more?
Wagwan, my friends! What’s good in the world. It’s Wednesday, that pinnacle of the week for the comic book oriented folk. The day when we gather around the comic shelves, or I suppose the digi-shelves, and stoke our nerd inclinations with the newest of funny rags. This is the nearest and dearest column where we wax excited about the titles we’re snagging this week, sharing the particulars and the overrunning joy with one another. It’s a beautiful thing. Hardened nipples. Emptied wallets. Sequential art. What’s not to love?
Don’t know what’s dropping? Hit up ComicList.