Did you know that every minute of every day, roughly 167 thousand people around the world are having sex? Rough as an estimate, not as in the aggressiveness of the intercourse. Does this number seem high? Low? Depressing? Invigorating? Whatever the case, people around the world – RIGHT NOW – are waking up neighbors with throaty moans, or shouting to whatever god they pray to in ecstasy and existential bliss, or trying to figure out what goes where, but generally having a good time doing the one thing humans do best: screw. It took me nearly a minute to put these first couple of sentences together, and sadly, I was not engaging in sex. I was coming up with a batch of comics from this week’s shipping list that look tasty enough to buy and recommend to you guys and gals. So hit the jump and let’s chat about comics, sex, and sexy comics!
What do you do when you don’t own the movie rights to half of your properties? If you’re Marvel, you begin pushing other, lesser kown titles. Not a knock against these new titles, but yeah. What do you do when need to perpetually hype your company? You fall into ruinous marketing stupidity like taking a dumb name “Marvel NOW”, making it more dumb “All-New Marvel NOW”, then generally fuck with numbering.
Hey, folks! Johnny here, back again for another week of slingin’ philosophical about my favorite pastime! Looking at this week’s releases, I was amazed at just how much great non-superhero fare there is to be read currently. Not in a long time have I felt that the variety of books is SO great and SO varied, that it is the perfect time to introduce comics to friends and loved ones who might like comics, but maybe just don’t dig capes. Here’s what I’d like to grab this week, and hit us up in the comments and tell us what you’re looking out for!
I’m a liar. A dirty, rotten scoundrel! A nerf-herder of the highest proportion. To find out why, hit the jump and let’s talk this week’s funnybooks!
“What the hell is Señor Hotsauce on about this week?” is the question pursed on everyone’s lips. Or, it should be.
I’ve been seeing my “ex” behind OL’s back. In fact, I never left my ex. I know I told you guys we could come here and talk comics in lieu of going mobile and hitting up your local comic shop, but I just couldn’t stay away. I love my comic shop, but I dig you guys, too! So, if you’ll still have me, I’m gonna try and spread that love (and opinions on my favorite books this week) at both joints, and I urge you to do the same! Sally-fucking-forth, comic nerds!
In fact, do me a favor and give a shout out to your LCS. They deserve the attention. Comic Book University in Greenwood, IN is where I hang my pull list. Good folks who keep the new releases well stocked and the snark to a loving 11. (Also: ComiXology has a “virtual store” for participating joints, so that they, too, can get in on the digital-age action. So make sure you ask your LCS if they’re involved. It sends some coin their way and is at no additional cost to you, the consumer.)
Enough with the handjobbery! What’s poppin’ off today?
After the last Man of Steel trailer left my testicles wanting of reproductive juices, I decided I needed to change my opinion on David Goyer. So I was beginning to think maybe I should check out his show Da Vinci’s Demons. Now – fuck – I really need to get on the wagon. What is the cause of this imminent necessity? Two of my favorite writers will be penning episodes for the show’s second season.
This panel from Hawkeye had me busting gut when I read it, and now that I know the secret story behind it, the magic is doubled. Nay! Fucking tripled. So good.
Welcome to Buy These F**king Comics!, the column where all of us goobers get together and share the funny books we’re interested in buying in a given week. There is nothing so magical as hitting the shelves on Hump Day and snagging some comics to drag our wayward asses through the final two days of drudgery. Except maybe winning the PowerBall. That seems really magical. Plus, if I won it I wouldn’t have to scrape gum-covered quarters off the inside of trash cans to buy my comic books. Shit, that sounds pretty neat. Okay, so buying comic books is second in the line of majestic happenings. But it’s a close race. So, uh. Yeah. Again, welcome to the column. If I don’t mention your favorite weekly drop, let me know it in the comments section. If you are one of those booger-eating maestros who is too busy attempting to calculate the enormity of the Multiverse to know what is coming out this week, hit up Comic List. It’ll do you good.
There ain’t a multitude of titles hitting the shelves this week, and that’s aiight for two reasons. First, it saves my pittance of an allowance from evaporating with over a week to go until the next paycheck. I am a poor ass academic surviving on tutoring wages, though to be fair, what I am paid for what I do is patently ridiculous. Second, the comic books that are dropping have my tits tweaked. My nips are a deep, hungry red, begging for the funny rags to fiddle them.
This den of perversion and adolescent banality is Buy These F**king Comic Books. Within these walls we shall all share the comic books we’re excited for on a given week. I know my tastes sucks raw farts out of my dead grandmother’s ass, so remind me of the titles I missed. If you don’t know what is arriving on a particular Wednesday, Comic List will help you out.
Out of the darkness emerges a hero! It ain’t me. That hero comes along, smashes me in the gullet, and drags my corpse into the creak whilst I scream. What I can do is welcome you back to Buy These Frakin’ Comics! It’s been over a month since I saddled up to this column and shared the juicy pink comic bits I want to be snagging on a given Wednesday. Better yet? It’s been over two months since I actually snagged the funnies off a rack. Busy, man. Jaded, woman. I return today, hoping to double down on some PMA and ride the sequential artwork once more. In this here column we gather round, scratching dander out of our cracks while sharing the comic books we’re buying. Don’t see your fave rag in my list? Good. Audience participation is crucial, and I’m always looking for new finds.
Not sure what is coming out? Hit up Comic List.
How can you replace Jonathan Hickman on Fantastic Four? You can’t, you turkey! Not even Matt Fraction will fill that void for me, and ya’ll know that is saying something. Matt Fraction. Gorgeous head of hair, lovely sets of stories. Not even he can saddle up to Fantastic Four without me screaming “Not my Dad! Dammit!” What I am very excited for is the sister title FF, which seems to be going in a brilliantly Fractionian direction.