#July2014

New photo of (Jupiter’s Moon) Europa sports rivers of red ice

aw yis

I say goddamn!!! Here’s a new glorious look at Europa. Sporting some straight-up rivers of red ice. No doubt carrying the corpses of of humanity’s Progenitor Species, The Appalachian Dingus-Sapiens to their final resting place. Namely the Tombs of Oblivion, deep underneath Europa’s husk.

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Jupiter’s “GREAT RED SPOT” is shrinking. Nothing gold can stay.

son of a bitch

Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is fucking shrinking! Son of a bitch. That whirling dervish of a storm that’s been rocking since at least 1831 is down to the width of one Earth. How fucking pedestrian.

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NASA planning ROBOTIC MISSION to Europa to SEARCH FOR LIFE.

Europa.

We’re going to Europa! With a fucking robot in tow! Make no mistake about it, we’re hunting down life. The Europians shall soon know the glory that is McDonald’s, American football, and human excess! Flee while you can, fuckers!

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Astronomers (maybe) see GEYSER OF WATER ON EUROPA!

Europa.

Europa squirts! Europa erupts! Astronomers have known that Europa has liquid water underneath its surface. Check. Known. However, there has never been direct evidence of said water. Until now.

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IT RAINS DIAMONDS ON SATURN AND JUPITER. Wut. It’s Chemistry, bitch!

Dark side of Saturn.

Fuck blood diamonds. I’m finna be grabbing myself some fucking cosmic diamonds. Now apparently this is old news or some shit, but I had no goddamn idea. Time to fire up the rocketship kickstarter and explain how I’m going to make you your money back.

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JUPITER does us a solid, saves us from potential DEVASTATING impact.

If you’re a space geek like me, then you know that Jupiter is essentially Earth’s bulwark. It saves us from a fair amount of shit that comes floating through the shooting gallery that is our solar system. Recently the Enormous Bastard may have extended this solid yet again.

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IMAGE: There Is More Water On JUPITER’S MOON EUROPA Than Earth.

We don’t quite treat our water supply here on Earth with much respect. No worries though. I mean, what can we do? As a Western culture? Drawback? Pah! Cut down on our corpulence? Pah! We just need to head to Europa.

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JUPITER IS ENORMOUS. Here’s A Photo Reminder.

That gorgeous piece of insignificance being eaten up in the frame by Jupiter is Io. That moon is almost the same size as our own, and serves as a reminder of Jupiter’s enormity.

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Video: Behold Jupiter Rotating In High-Resolution. Swag.

This is some high-resolution cosmic porn right hurr.  The Pic du Midi observatory in France has compiled a glorious video of Jupiter in all Its Mighty Glory.

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Video: Jupiter Rolling Across The Night Sky.

You can see Jupiter in the night sky tonight. Don’t believe me? Believe Phil Plait! Well, okay, you could have  right after sunset. People on the west coast! Do it! For me! Did you miss it? Then console yourself with this video made by  Emil Kraaikamp of Jupiter rolling across the night sky.

Swoon.

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