#June2015

NASA: We’re going to Europa, hunting for futzin’ alien life

Today was the first day of development for NASA’s mission to get us to Europa. Where we will find life. Giant, multi-tittied omnisexual telepathic beings, who will have no time for us monkeys and our cruelties.

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Space Swoon! Europa’s Jupiter-Facing Hemisphere is ready for its close-up

Europa? Euro-beautiful one

I say goddamn! This is a glorious mosaic of Europa’s Jupiter-facing dome piece.

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New photo of (Jupiter’s Moon) Europa sports rivers of red ice

aw yis

I say goddamn!!! Here’s a new glorious look at Europa. Sporting some straight-up rivers of red ice. No doubt carrying the corpses of of humanity’s Progenitor Species, The Appalachian Dingus-Sapiens to their final resting place. Namely the Tombs of Oblivion, deep underneath Europa’s husk.

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Jupiter’s “GREAT RED SPOT” is shrinking. Nothing gold can stay.

son of a bitch

Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is fucking shrinking! Son of a bitch. That whirling dervish of a storm that’s been rocking since at least 1831 is down to the width of one Earth. How fucking pedestrian.

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NASA planning ROBOTIC MISSION to Europa to SEARCH FOR LIFE.

Europa.

We’re going to Europa! With a fucking robot in tow! Make no mistake about it, we’re hunting down life. The Europians shall soon know the glory that is McDonald’s, American football, and human excess! Flee while you can, fuckers!

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Astronomers (maybe) see GEYSER OF WATER ON EUROPA!

Europa.

Europa squirts! Europa erupts! Astronomers have known that Europa has liquid water underneath its surface. Check. Known. However, there has never been direct evidence of said water. Until now.

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IT RAINS DIAMONDS ON SATURN AND JUPITER. Wut. It’s Chemistry, bitch!

Dark side of Saturn.

Fuck blood diamonds. I’m finna be grabbing myself some fucking cosmic diamonds. Now apparently this is old news or some shit, but I had no goddamn idea. Time to fire up the rocketship kickstarter and explain how I’m going to make you your money back.

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JUPITER does us a solid, saves us from potential DEVASTATING impact.

If you’re a space geek like me, then you know that Jupiter is essentially Earth’s bulwark. It saves us from a fair amount of shit that comes floating through the shooting gallery that is our solar system. Recently the Enormous Bastard may have extended this solid yet again.

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IMAGE: There Is More Water On JUPITER’S MOON EUROPA Than Earth.

We don’t quite treat our water supply here on Earth with much respect. No worries though. I mean, what can we do? As a Western culture? Drawback? Pah! Cut down on our corpulence? Pah! We just need to head to Europa.

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JUPITER IS ENORMOUS. Here’s A Photo Reminder.

That gorgeous piece of insignificance being eaten up in the frame by Jupiter is Io. That moon is almost the same size as our own, and serves as a reminder of Jupiter’s enormity.

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