Well, here’s a way to get me to give a shit about a post-Star Trek Into Darkness movie. Snap Edgar Wright’s name on the director’s chair.
Okay, okay, okay. Let’s all move on from whining about Edgar Wright’s departure. Let’s all say the Serenity Prayer, burn our pre-made Ant-Man t-shirts, and look towards the future. ‘Cause that is what Edgar Wright is seemingly doing. And it’s what he’d want from us. (On top of burning our Ant-Man t-shirts.)
Yes, Ant-Man. Yes! Continue to mutate into some abomination. Slough off your Wright-Cornish skin. Waddle through the comedic mud of Adam McKay. But! But continue your metamorphosis! Let us not stop tweaking this script until every ounce of Inspired Auteur has been left in the rubbish pile, replaced with the Clarion Call of Meddling and Wasted Potential!
Ant-Man didn’t just fall off the Director’s Cliff. It suffered multiple compound fractures before breaking its back on the cold, hard floor of reality.
Okay so now Adam McKay has pulled himself out of Ant-Man talks. After getting bummed about Wright, excited about McKay, and now bummed about McKay pulling himself out of talks, I’m ready to give the middle finger to the whole process. Just let me know what mediocre mind you find, Marvel.
As The Ant-Man Turns. From Wright leaving, to three directors being considered, to apparently Adam McKay being offered the gig. Busy fucking week! Busy fucking day! He ain’t fucking Wright, okayIknowthat, but I think I could really enjoy McKay helming the project.
So after like four days or whatever (three years if you’re counting the time I spent in my Time Shed after this calamity), I’m not as distraught about Edgar Wright leaving Ant-Man. Actually. That’s probably a lie. But even as the wounds try to heal, more news continues to trickle out. When this story first broke, one of the surprising morsels was that the script rewrites were ordered by someone above MCU Czar Mind-Lord, Kevin Feige. But apparently! That ain’t true.
TL:DR EDITION FOLKS: Edgar Wright has left Ant-Man over a fucking dreadful script rewrite. A rewrite that wasn’t brought on by Kevin Feige, but rather high-up Disney No Knowing Dick Lord Czars. Maybe just as concerning? Joss Whedon supports Wright, so lord knows if the Fanboy King will persist in the MCU after finishing Avengers: Age of Ultron.
The MCU was going way too smoothly, right? This was bound to happen. Eventually. Shame that this announcement MAKES MY ASSHOLE QUIVER WITH SADNESS. One of the most anticipated flicks in the MCU with one of my favorite directors has now found that relationship sundered.
Shh. Can you hear that? It’s subsonic vibrations vomiting down the Omnipresent Now, hinting at the reality that fucking Edgar Wright is doing an Ant-Man movie. In case you forgot. ‘Cause it’s easy to let things slip out of our meat-skulls with the relentless pop culture news cycle. But word, Ant-Man is coming folks, and here is how the movie that ain’t arrived yet influenced The Avengers.