#April2011
PlayStation CEO Spits Hate On Nintendo and Microsoft. Icy Hot!
I am by no means a PlayStation admirer. So if you think I’m wanking on this article because of fanboy preference, ain’t true son. Ain’t true at all. What am I a fan of is Corporation Cock Measuring, Console Clashes, and Dudes Talking Shit. I own every system, I go where my favorite titles migrate, and truthfully? I’m a bit of an Xbox fanboy.
Still though. Sony PlayStation CEO Jack Tretton came out recently in Fortune spitting diamond Word Bullets at Nintendo and Microsoft, and I dug roughly 30% of what he was saying.
Let’s take a look!
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Anonymous Continues Raining Elbows On Sony And PSN. LEGION, Or Something.
Maybe I’m still a petulant teenager who likes seeing the Man getting a shitty dildo smeared across their face, but I fucking enjoy Anonymous. Since their declaration earlier this week, they’ve continued to pummel Sony’s Playstation Network with all sorts of magical Internet Steel Chairs and other awesome metaphorical ass-whuppery.
Anonymous Threatens Sony, Hours Later PSN ‘Down For Repairs.’
Oh shit! Anonymous is totally cheesed off with Sony for suing George ‘GeoHot’ Hotz for releasing the PS3 root key into the world. Today they threatened to slap the taste out of Sony’s Collective Mouf in one of their typically creepy videos. A couple of hours later, PlayStation Network went down for ‘repairs.’
Press Start!: Lame Apps, Bullshit Peripherals & Dancing Games.
When diversions are king, video games shall be amongst those running the pack. Making sure that everyone has the appropriate tattoos. Knowing the gang symbols. The terminology. Ruling the roost, if you will. This is Press Start!, the column where I spout off five things that happened in the world of gaming in a given week. My lists are dumb. Like yours, they are rife with personal preference, ideological tendencies, and since it’s me – juvenile bullshit.
I encourage all aboard to share their own musings.
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#1: Apple App Store Gets App That ‘Cures Homosexuality’, For Like A Second.
God damn, I have to give it to Apple. I knew from the multifarious apps found on Apple’s store were fucking powerful. I knew there were a lot of apps that could do a lot of things. Find a yummy restaurant for my belly! Find movie tickets. Play Angry Birds! Read a book! However, I wasn’t aware there was an app that could cure my raging hard-on for Chris Hemsworth in chainmail.
That’s where Exodus International steps in! They released an app that claimed to cure gayness. It was a bit of an odd mood, since the fascist pigs at Apple have pulled some less polarizing applications. Wasn’t there one that cost like a zillion dollars? The Douche App? It did nothing aside from signify you could spend a lot of money?
Anyways, a day and one enormous 152,433 online signature later, they pulled the son of a bitch.
Go figure.
I’m actually okay with the existence of the app, if it wasn’t such an odd choice in lieu of what they have pulled. I am of the opinion that if a bunch of closed-minded assholes rubbing their genitals against a withering old tome want to try and make some money off their own ignorance, let them try.
Besides, it doesn’t work. I downloaded the app – mind you, I didn’t actually use it. However, if it worked, how would they trick the sinners into using it?! It must have unactivated capabilities, right? What I did do was stick my iPhone in my crotch and had my friend call me repeatedly with the phone on vibrate while I stared at Chris Evans’ pecs in the Captain America trailer. Still felt the love. Don’t tell my girlfriend.
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#2: New Movie ‘The FP’ Where Dance-Dance Meets Post-Apocalypse Gang Wars.
In the future, we will all be divided amongst post-apocalypse gangs. When diversions are king, our lives will be dedicated to maintaining our reps and our various crews. The flick ‘The FP’ which screened at SXSW last week perfectly captures our forthcoming sociocultural metamorphosis. Also, the movie is fucking madness.
Gangs fight it out in fatal games of DDR, titties, and absurd montages. The trailer is what happens when you cross 1980’s bro movies with video game slop-culture. In a completely conscious, and planning manner.
God bless.
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#3: Triforce Johnson Waits In Line For Nintendo 3DS. Gets Thrown Out. Returns.
Isaiah-Triforce Johnson is either the man, or a fucking mental patient. For some reason, I feel like the two categories bleed together so simply swimmingly when it comes to geek culture. Triforce, who had the phrase legally added to his first fucking name, is a man with a plan. The plan in question is to be the first motherfucker in Manhattan to get a Nintendo 3DS. He’s taken to this plan by waiting in line inside the foyer of the Union Square Best Buy in the Big Apple.
Earlier this week, Best Buy had security throw the dude out.
But that doesn’t stop a motherfucker, does it? He returned, and has apparently smoothed the entire thing over. “There was a Chris Brown launch party the night I came out” he said, so “Best Buy needed that space for the line. It kinda looked bad, but it was just a misunderstanding.”
Godspeed Triforce, you’re almost fucking there.
Sony Gets Access To GeoHot’s PayPal Account; LOL Son!
I was amused by GeoHot for a bit. Dude stole the PS3’s soul when he made public to the world its root key. However, then the dude went all retarded issuing rap disses and stuff or whatever. Since then I’ve been clamoring to see him publicly pimp-slapped by an ace team of Sony roboninjas. Today I have gotten one step closer to having my wish fulfilled.
Sony was given access to GeoHot’s PayPal records.
Kevin Butler Retweets PS3 Root Key! Marketing Synergy!
Enlarge. | Via.
We all know Kevin Butler, right? The doughy guy who stars in the PS3 commercials? Was funny at first, but like all campaigns has overstayed his welcome? Today, the same “Kevin Butler” on Twitter – an entity I assume maintained by a bunch of now-fired PR people – retweeted the PS3 root key. Whoops.
Twitter peep dude Travis La Marr tweeted the root key to the account belonging to “Butler”, I assume knowing that Butler wasn’t the real deal and the person(s) behind it wouldn’t know what it was. “Butler” took the bait and retweeted it making a Battleship reference.
Double whoops.
Outstanding.
PS3 Taking Game Saves TO THE CLOUD. TECH TERMS.
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Those fucking Windows 7 advertisements all TO THE CLOUD suck my ass. However, I am not an opponent of the CLOUD. I do not fight it. Or hate it. Thusly, I’m pretty fucking stoked that a future PS3 update will TAKE PLAYSTATION GAME SAVES TO THE FUCKING CLOUD.
Joystiq:
According to a recent report from Kotaku, unnamed sources in the game development community have received notifications from Sony telling of a feature which will be incorporated into PS3 firmware update 3.60: Cloud storage for saved games. According to the report, the feature (called “Online Saving”) gives developers the opportunity to let players set up their save files on a remote server, preserving the precious, precious space on their own hard drives, and allowing players to access save data from multiple consoles.
These developers also reportedly explained that the feature will only be made available to PlayStation Plus subscribers, or, as they’ll henceforth be called, the “Save File Insured.” This report sounds fairly believable — remote storage was one of the rumored features of PlayStation Plus before its reveal, and there was also that Sony trademark for “PS Cloud” back in 2009. We’ve contacted Sony for a comment on this report.
Oh, HOLD THE FUCK ON. I have to pay money to TAKE TO THE CLOUD with my saved games? Well, I suppose it makes sense. TAKING MY SAVED GAMES TO THE CLOUD would, in fact, be the first thing I’d ever consider spending money on PlayStation Plus for. Fuckers. All smart. About me. And money. AND THE CLOUD.
*[When I typed in “TO THE FUCKING CLOUD” in Google, that picture came up in Search Results. Too amazing not to use.]
Sony Unveils PSP2 Or As They’ve Dubbed It, “NGP”.
I don’t give a shit about portable consoles. I ain’t hating, it just isn’t something I’ve ever been in to. With that in mind, it took a lot for me to drudge up the effort to mention here that Sony’s announced the PSP2. Or as they’re codenaming it, dubbing it, calling it, whatever: NGP. That would stand for Next-Gen Portable. Clever, right?
Hit the jump for a video of it in action, or something, or something.
Andrew Garfield In the Spider-Man Costume. Official Like Woah.
Updated @ 6:01 EST With High-Res Version.
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Sony has released the first picture of Andrew Garfield in the Spider-Man suit. My thoughts? I think he looks fucking awesome. Hit the jump to check it out, and hit me with your thoughts.
Here’s The Playstation Phone In Action! [Video.]
The bleeding of information about the PlayStation Phone continues. Want some video of the PlayStation Phone in motion? Some gaming? A look into the PlayStation Pocket software launcher?
Then hit the jump.
