Do you want your Netflix in 360-degrees? Maybe you can look down at your virtual belly and see virtual crumbs? Well, you’re going to be able (to probably not) do that soon! On Samsung’s Gear VR.
Listen. I fuck with Pepsi Cola Corporation hard. I mean, sometimes I say, “oh I got blood in my DIET DEW STREAM”, and then fucking hate myself for my lame jokes. But I swear! I swear to Zeus and Aphrodite if I got a Pepsi ad in the middle of rewatching Guardians for Galaxy for the Nth time I would frisbee that fucking TV off the first drunken, stumbling neighbor I could find.
Samsung’s virtual reality headset design has hit the internet. Leaked right out the drooling maw of the NetterWebs’ guts. And man, is it Virtual Boy as fuck.
Corporate friendship! More like “mutually assured market dominance!”, but let me think of rainbows. Rainbows firing straight up my ass, rocketing out my cock in an ejaculation-prism that wows everyone in the football stadium. Wait — where were we? Oh! Samsung and Oculus totally jerking off one another in the VR market.
Do you know what you are if you’re a tech company, and you’re not working on a VR headset? A BIG FAT TURKEY, ASS-EATER. Now mind you I’m okay with a) turkeys and b) eating ass, but I’m just typing that the voices tell me I should type.
Michael Bay is a compatriot to bros everywhere. Fans of rotating cameras, ‘splosions, and vascularity. So while it’s pretty amazing watching his meltdown from Samsung’s CES event, I also want to offer a fist bump. I’m with you, Michael. From bro to bro. Just uh…you know. Don’t walk off the stage when things get hairy.