Thank goodness it’s almost Wednesday. The weekly grind demands a brief respite, and on that third day of every week comic books come to the fucking rescue. This is Variant Covers. Inside you’ll find the comic books dropping tomorrow that I’m interested in.

Opinionated? You’re on the internet so you fucking must be. Hit the comments section with the funnies you plan on snagging this week.

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Jennifer Blood #1.
Jenny Blood is a new comic dropping tomorrow by Garth Ennis and Adriano Batista. The premise? Something fittingly Ennis. Blood is a suburban housewife by day. She feeds the kids, takes them to soccer, cooks them dinner. But by night! Oh you knew this was coming. But by night, she’s a totally elite assassin. In a latex get-up, which is always, always, always a good thing to me.

There was a time when Garth Ennis was my fucking idol. Between Preacher, Hitman, and his take on the Punisher, the good man owned my soul. Over time, I’ve grown less and less enthused with his efforts. While some people may find it heretical to say, I got tired of The Boys. I get it, I get it. A vulgar deconstruction of superhero motifs. Like I said, I probably just pissed a good amount of people off. I’m hoping that Jennifer Blood can rekindle my love affair.

If it’s nothing more than a female twist on the Punisher, I’d be fine with that. Perhaps my time away from the Ennis bag of tricks has been enough to recuperate my love for him.

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S.H.I.E.L.D. #6.
The first volume of Marvel’s most mindrapingly fantastic title concludes tomorrow. It is, without doubt, going to be my title of the week. Hickman and Weaver’s panel-smashing, contemporary narrative structure-defying, philosophically curious title has been nothing less than the fucking belle of my pull list ball since it started.  This week we get the epic battle between Leonard Da Vinci and his free spirits versus Isaac Newton and his Hobbesian belief that mankind must be  corralled. I think these motherfuckers are going to come to blows.

Hickman has been nothing short of brilliant to me in everything that I read of his. His killing of a member of the Fantastic Four? Had this guy in tears. His exploration of ideologies and the fictionalization of historical figures in S.H.I.E.L.D. has been something special. It isn’t a question of whether or not the sixth issue will be fantastic, but if the second volume can possibly top this first arc.

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Morning Glories Trade #1.
I have not read Morning Glories yet. However, I have only heard wondrous things regarding the title written by Nick Spencer and drawn by Joe Eisma. In fact, the buzz was so good that it drove me to pick up Spencer’s newest title, Infinite Vacation. Conclusion from reading that title? Spencer can fucking pen, yo! I’m not certain what Morning Glories is about. There’s been a concerted effort made by myself to stay away from any plot synopses, because I’ve read there’s a mystery afoot in the title.

Basic plot summary from various sites is, “Morning Glory Academy is one of the most prestigious prep schools in the country, but something sinister and deadly lurks behind its walls.” It doesn’t sound amazing, does it? Probably why I passed on it the first time. Do these copywriters realize people make financial decisions based on their bland fucking description of something that could be fantastic? Doesn’t seem that way.

I’m there.

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Oh snap, the Spider-Man reboot has gotten its official title. Hold your breath! Ready? It’s going to be called The Amazing Spider-Man. Shocking? Sort of? Maybe? No? Predictable? None of those responses would surprise me.

It’s amazing that with all the Parker rage going on here at OL from myself and others, I’m eagerly anticipating the flick. I dug Webb’s 500 Days, and Garfield’s performance in the Social Network sold me as well. I’m certain that whatever apathy I have regarding the franchise as a whole won’t prohibit me from giving the reboot a fair chance.

Hit the jump for the promo image they dropped at the time of the announcement.

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Marvel is on a goddamn character killing spree. They offed a member of the Fantastic Four, they’re promising to kill Spider-Man. They’re not stopping there though! No sir. According to Bleeding Cool, at “the ComicsPro retailer summit, David Gabriel, Senior Vice President of Sales at Marvel Comics has announced that as a result of the Fantastic Four sales and media coverage, Marvel are going to kill a main character every quarter.”

Well then! The death of the Fantastic Four member was one of the most emotional sequences in recent memory. Why it worked was because of how well Hickman built the entire storyline up to that moment, and then how well he executed the moment. If everything is as well done as that storyline, god fucking bless them. However, color me accordingly skeptical.

It’s here. The official trailer for X-Men: First Class. Hit the jump for the trailer. Hit the comments box with your thoughts.

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Robert Downey Jr. and Shane Black worked together on the flick Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. I have not seen this movie, but more than one person has told me that I’m a douchebag. Well, specifically for this, though I’ve been called it for many, many reasons. Now Shane Black is apparently up to reunite with RDJ on Iron Man 3.

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In addition to the first glimpse of Captain America footage, Marvel dropped a new peak at Thor on our asses tonight during the Violence and Corpulence Bowl tonight. I’m stoked for this flick, and every teaser brings me closer to hunting down Chris Hemsworth and dragging him to my underground prison. I’m a slut for chain mail.

Hit the jump for the teaser.

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Did you catch the trailer for Captain America during the Super Bowl? No? Watch it here! You did catch it? Watch it again! I’ve been skeptical of Captain America for a good while now, but man. My gooey fanboy gunk was floating about after the trailer. What does a trailer  guarantee? Nothing, nothing at all. But it was fun.

Hit the jump for the trailer.

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Whaddup! In before the trailer drops tonight are some high-res scans of Cap from Empire Magazine. There isn’t anything new inside, but everything is much sexified and clearer.

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Cobie Smulders is going to be Maria Hill in the Avengers flick. I had no idea who Smulders was until I googled her, and it turns out she’s in How I Met Your Mother…That explains why I had no clue. Nonetheless, according to Deadline:

I’m hearing that How I Met Your Mother star Cobie Smulders has emerged as the front runner for the role of SHIELD Agent Maria Hill in the Joss Whedon-directed The Avengers and that a deal could be done before the weekend is out.

Whelp! Don’t know her, but she is certainly pretty. Also, for what its worth, she looks excellent with hair that resembles Hill’s.

Thoughts? Anyone actually watch that show?

Marvel’s released the official Captain America poster, as well as dropping the first high-res look at the costume. Hit the jump to dive on in.

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