Every weekend, my friends. I’m living the motherfucking Diarrhea Death Race 2000! Nothing compliments five-straight days of clean eating like a 48-hour bender of insane caloric bombardment. And every weekend, there’s at least one point, where I have to sprint full-speed into the bathroom before my blow ass all over my boxer briefs. Doesn’t matter if I’m about to fuck, it doesn’t matter if I’m working out, and it doesn’t matter if I’m playing Final Fantasy VII. The moment grips me. The bowels quiver. And like that, I’m off to the races.

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Mel Gibson is in talks to direct Suicide Squad 2. Who better than a genuine mean-spirited piece of shit to direct a motley crew of mean-spirited pieces of shit? Christ, Warner Bros. Your stupidity in handling the DCU is perpetually invigorating in a sort of, visceral, repugnant sense.

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Seeing Mario run around vaguely realistic humans in Super Mario Odyssey was already a nightmare. So, why not double down and imagine this ill-fitting juxtaposition in Grand Theft Auto 4? There is no reason, I say! No reason!

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Oh, Lex Luthor.

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Listen. I fuck with Pepsi Cola Corporation hard. I mean, sometimes I say, “oh I got blood in my DIET DEW STREAM”, and then fucking hate myself for my lame jokes. But I swear! I swear to Zeus and Aphrodite if I got a Pepsi ad in the middle of rewatching Guardians for Galaxy for the Nth time I would frisbee that fucking TV off the first drunken, stumbling neighbor I could find.

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About a month and a half ago Bateman made me want Divergent. It was shockingly dumb, but it was impossible not to laugh with enjoyment in some weird, B-Movie way.

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The first five or so minutes of this “gameplay demo” is pretty fucking boring. But then a wild behemoth appears and you get to see FFXV‘s battle system in action. Which I’m diggin’.

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A MEGAMAN BY ANY OTHER NAME has some dope news afoot. The title is going to be getting its own fucking animated series. While Capcom tries to figure out how to ruin Resident Evil Gears of War further, the Brain behind Mega Man is just shitting on their lives. This could have all been theirs! But nah! And as well as revealing the animated series, they Mighty People are announcing a new round of crowdfunding.

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Here’s one way to confirm that the Millennium Falcon is going to be in S7ar Wars: Episode 7 – Don’t Call It A Comeback (But Maybe Call It A Cash Grab). The fucking Falcon dinged out Old Man Ford today while on set. More like HAN OHNOMYFUCKINGANKLE amirite? #selfhate #poortaste #inappropriateiknow

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