I know I’m late getting to this God of War trailer from Paris Games Week. But, I’m fucking glad I got around to it.

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God of War: Ascension – Kratos Fucks People To Death With Knives  is going to have a multiplayer mode. This confirms for the series the last artifact of our current gaming generations’ nonsense that hadn’t been ingested into its dense, brooding soul.

Details, videos, and pictures after the jump.

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Sony is teasing something  and people seem to think it’s God of War 4  related.

Hit the jump to check it out, leave your guess.

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My friend Buddy pointed this shit out to me. Fucking ridiculous. I’m sure, like, the cows and shit will really appreciate this. Then again, there’s no need for farming trucks around here in suburbia.

Via Playstation Europe or Some Crap:

PlayStation Czech Republic and Slovakia is paying a tribute to this great franchise which is breaking review scores highs and sales records with an epic God of War III truck. Branded from both sides, it projects a 3D image of Kratos literally jumping out of the truck and into the traffic.

Most righteous.

God damn, they weren’t kidding. The first thirty minutes of God of War III are fucking insane. I can’t describe the scope of what’s going on. You’re running around on motherfucking Gaia, throwing down with Poseidon. Blood and thunder! Whipping around climbing Gaia, fighting the Lord of the Seas. It’s not so much the graphics, though they’re pretty spectacular. It’s the amount of shit going down on the screen. Epic clash? Hells to the yeah, fools.

The climax of the opening sequence is fucking absurd, yo. Kratos rips Posey out of the guts of some water manifestation of his might, and really just lays down an ass-whupping fit for the God of War. Props to whoever came up with the idea to convey the ass-kicking from the perspective of Poseidon. There’s a point at the end where you’re viewing Kratos through the eyes of Poseidon gouging his eyes out. As Kratos’ thumbs close-in on the dude, you can’t help but feel it some extent. It’s such a visceral idea, that I have to tip my cap to the boys at Santa Monica.

It seems as though this shit is legit. I have a suspicion that this game like all the other God of War titles prior, as well as the Uncharted games, is going to rip its hugest load far before the end of the game. How do you open a game up with such pomp and circumstance, without having a let down by the finale? I’m not sure it is possible.

So far though? Kratos is fucking deities’ eye-sockets with his fingers, to their doom.

Kratos is coming, and he’s fucking pissed. Still. He tried therapy once, but ended up just gouging the dude’s eye out and stamping it into mush. Wait, I think that was actually the thirteen-thousand cyclops he has run through in his travels. Either way.

I rocked out to the God of War III demo back in November and threw it aside with a resounding MEH! The graphics weren’t the second coming I was promised, and the gameplay was the same button-mashing, air-juggling bullshit that I had romped through in the first two games. Mind you, these were games I had enjoyed, but had already gotten my fill of.

Now though?

Now I’m fucking amplified, bro! How can I have a change of heart? Well, there’s a few reasons.

On a superficial level, apparently I wasn’t alone in thinking the graphics were less than mind-fucking in the demo. And better yet these emo complaints were addressed. For the actual game looks far more pimpin’ than the demo. There’s all sorts of complicated terms like Light Density Shadowing and Renderistic Manipulation of Polygonal Testicles and shit going on to explain why they look nicer. I don’t really care why, I’m just happy they do. I’m a superficial douchebag, okay? I got my HDTV, I got my 5.1 system, and I want a bass line so fiercely cranked through my subwoofer I void my bowls into my underpants willingly.

And secondly, let’s be honest. The God of War franchise has never been fantastic because of its base gameplay. The running around and smashing useless enemies thing never blew your pants off. Instead, what got your juices flowing all over your inner thighs were the action sequences. Whether it was fucking up the Hydra in the original game, or uh, doing something in the sequel, the games’ awesomeness were derived from the set pieces. The gameplay inbetween these sequences really don’t serve any purpose for me other than to guide me from one epic confrontation to the next.

Ain’t none of that found in the demo. Ain’t none. So while I was initially disappointed, I did some soul searching. And I came to the conclusion that while I found the regular gameplay highly repetitious, I always had. Realizing this in my heart of hearts, I came to the conclusion that there would certainly be the sort of sequences in the game that had blown me away in the previous two. I had to chill out, man. I had to relax.

This has all been confirmed by people who have gotten to play the game already. What a bag of dicks, those lucky ones. The general consensus is that the game is insane, and the first level will force-fuck your awesome gland until it’s flinging fluids everywhere. All the reviews gleam, I already informed FFXIII we were going to take a quick break, and I’m ready to rock at midnight.