Microsoft confirms XBOX ONE is 10% faster without KINECT.

Steve Ballmer is ready.

When Microsoft announced they were cutting the mandatory cord on Kinect, Smarter People Than Me speculated that doing so could free up some processing power. Well, Egg Heads be damned. They were right. To the tune of a 10% performance boost. Yay! Yay? This is all rad and Hell, but if both parties in the NEXT-GEN (or is it now current gen?) DANCE OFF could release games specific to this new generation, that would be far more exciting than this.

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Steve Ballmer is ready.

YEAH, MICROSOFT! Roll that shit back! Is there anything left for Microsoft to double-back on at this point? Policy-wise? I don’t think so, and I think that’s fucking fantastic. I also don’t give a damn about the reasons (I imagine it’s monetary duh or something) behind their policies shift. Giving us what we want? Cool.

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XBOX ONE no longer requires KINECT to be plugged in. STILL GOTTA F**KING BUY IT.


The XBONE song and dance is a curious one. Full of twists, turns, pirouettes and shit. The latest little move in this tango is the announcement that the Xboner does not require a Kinect to be plugged in to operate. Which is sort of neat, but also like sort of “how about you don’t fucking force me to buy it then”, right? Definitely giving credence to the rumors that 2014 shall see a Kinect-less version of Microsoft’s next console.

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The Xbox/Kinect $99 Bundle Is Really Real, Requires Xbox Live Contract.

The Xbox/Kinect bundle for $99 that the entire gaming internet speculates up on last week turns out to be real. The catch, the answer to how it can be peddled for such limited ducets, has also been revealed.

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‘SKYRIM’ Is Adding ‘KINECT SUPPORT’, Yeah Great. Where’s My F**king Flying Mount.

Back in February I pointed all your goggle-eyes towards a Skyrim Sizzle Reel  that displayed what the developers would love to add into the title. One of the joints in the sizzle reel were flying dragon mounts. That was awesome. Another was stupid fucking Kinect support. That was dumb. I am bitter. Can you guess which one is actually  getting implemented?

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Video: Microsoft Pimps Kinect-Enabled Shopping Cart. Sloth ++

Listen, let’s all calm down with bringing the Skynet Cylon revolution into our fucking grocery stores. Well, anymore than it already is. I mean, laziness is good and all. I get it. You want to be fat. You want to ride your scooters around Walmart while you buy shit you don’t need. That said, we need to draw the line somewhere. I’m drawing it at having a Kinect-enabled Fascist Robot Shopping Cart point out when you’re buying the wrong spaghetti.

Hit the jump for more info, and the horror.

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Press Start!: Voice Commands Are For The Bedroom, Not Video Games.

I absolutely love Chez-Its. Nothing relaxes me more than popping down on the toilet mashing a handful of Chez-Its into my gullet while checking my Tumblr on my iPhone. One of the other things I absolutely love is the use of adverbs. Hemingway fucking hates me. On top of those two pure, unadulterated loves of mine is my unremitting love for video games.

That’s why I write this column. Press Start!, the post where I run down five things that happened in the world of video games this week. I’m covered in Chez-It crumbs and ready to vomit verbose into your eye-mind-mouths.

Let’s party, guys!

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‘Mass Effect 3’ To Be “Better With Kinect.” Crap Pies.

NeoGaf user Lakitu found Mass Effect 3 artwork on the EA store, and the poor box cover was singed deep down into its soul with a phrase that makes me want to vomit. “Better with Kinect Sensor.”


No, no, no!

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Kinect Hack Turns You Into Rampaging Hulk; Sensor Smash Or Something.

Some good lads have gone and built a Kinect ‘Hulk’ mod. They did so by hooking up “Flash running w/ Molehill (hardware acceleration) up to the Kinect and Box2d.” That means absolutely nothing to me though. I just know it tints then green and lets them smash generated buildings and shit.

As dope as it is, I think Owen Good has it right when he describes it as more of a call back to old school Rampage than Mr. Banner. Still though, dope.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Microsoft: 10 Million Kinects Sold, 10 Million Kinect Games Sold. Evil Cackle.

The Microsoft Kinect is the Juggernaut, bitch! Oh shit, old school internet shoutout! Seriously though. Microsoft has announced that they have sold 10 fucking million Kinects as well as 10 fucking million Kinect games. That’s a lot of Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers.

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