HAX the PLANET: Someone stole $5 million from a Bitcoin exchange


I want to totally shed the cumbersome boundaries of my currency’s corporeal form for Bitcoins. But then I read about some shit like this. Hax the planet, braj! Or at least hack all the fucking Bitcoin exchanges!

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APPLE hit by same CHINESE HACKERS who attacked Facebook last week. It’s on!


Oh, you know there be some cyber warfare afoot. How do I know? You can riff its pungent scent among the air. It smells like generic tropes of nerdery, including Cheetos-stained fingers, heavy metal music, and most importantly Angelina Jolie. When will I disassociate her and Hackers from actual hacking? Never.

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Somebody tried to hack the White House? Summon the Bauer.

For some reason I just sort of assumed that the White House was always getting hacked. Too much 24. Apparently it ain’t, because today this nonsense is making news. I imagine it was repelled by Kim Bauer screaming “Phoenix Shield levels dropping!” while squirting milk out of her left nipple. Just like how it goes in real life.

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Hacker claims to have Mitt Romney’s tax returns, wants $1 MILLI in Bitcoin. The Future, man.

This is the sort of ridiculous stuff that couldn’t have happened thirty years ago or whatever, and for that I am grateful. Bless you, Future. Bless you for your latex porn, your easily accessible music, and your wonky hacking stories.

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Reseachers create synthetic iris that can bypass eye-scanning security systems. The future is nao!

Researchers have drummed up this fantastic way to get around eye-scanning security systems. Let’s see if you can understand exactly how they do it, because it makes my skull all sorts of shades hurt.

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PIRATE BAY Offline After “Quite Big” DDoS Attack; Don’t Look At Anonymous They Say.

I would never download torrents (heh), but if I did I wouldn’t use Pirate Bay. That’s why despite it being down apparently for a day, I haven’t noticed.

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George ‘Geohot’ Hotz Continues Sell-Out Tour, Now Working For Facebook.

You have to love the amount of suck and sell-out that George Hotz contains within his flimsy nerd shell. This year he has gone from stunting and pretending to possess some sort of ideological spine by releasing the PS3 rootkey, to settling with Sony, to his most amazing development yet: landing a job with Facebook.

You bad, bro. Real bad.

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LulzSec Says They’re Done Hacking. Def Not Because Of Arrests.

LulzSec is done fucking up servers and games and things and stuff and whatever they do. They issued an overwrought statement, one complete with sunsets and sailing. Nice.

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