Today marks ten fucking years since Half Life 2: Episode 3 was announced. Celebrate this death march with a compilation of Gabe Newell talking about the game for the past decade. God dammit.
Sometimes, leaving the intro until last is to my benefit. Well, yours too really, as I’m now able to provide you with ample warning. I think I’ve talked about butts quite frequently, and roughly 50% of the whole piece is just completely made up. So, in advance, sorry about all that.
J.J. Abrams continue to appropriate geek franchises into his corpus, channeling the energy absorbed into some sort of world-breaking incantation.
Yeahhh! Here are the deets you have been waiting for. Assuming that you have been waiting for details regarding Valve’s Steam Box. Buddy Gabe sat down with The Verge and unleashed a torrent of titillating details. It’s all well and good, but let’s get real. Where the fuck is Half-Life 3.
Prepare thyself for the Steambox/Steam PC/Steam set-top box! It’s coming. This year. Pinky swear. If you believe these reports, at least. For a few friends of mine, this is balls tantalizing news. How about yourself?
Gabe Newell! Confirming what the lot of us already knew! Me! Reporting it days after it was first confirmed. Hey, whatever, bro.
If you needed any more proof that Valve is getting into the hardware swagger unit, then this job posting should confirm it for you.
Half-Life 3. The white whale. A solid eight years since the HL2 dropped and we are still waiting for a proper sequel to one of the dopest games on the Dystopian block. That wait isn’t ending any time soon.
Gabe Newell wants to squish all those Valve and Apple meeting in the darkness of daylight rumors. He wants to press his titanic ass cheeks right up against those rumors and vaporize them with the death air that has been trapped in his buttocks for nearly a decade.
We have reached the crossroads of Valve and Apple gaming console rumors. At this intersection, the two separate entities slam together, fusing into the monolithic Apple-Valve-Fucking-Console. A console made for fucking your entertainment center and forcing you to buy a larger one. You know, should it prove true.