#January2015
Views From The Space-Ship: The Diet Dew Calamity of 2015
Been a minute since I’ve shared a view from the Space-Ship. Life, it finds a way. That’s what they say. But they don’t finish the statement. Life, it finds a way to become really overwhelming, depressing, complicated, and confusing. But here I am! I think, I think I’m through my latest batch of depressing existential agony. Ready to reengage. Here’s my life. I’d love to see you share yours.
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‘The Force Awakens’ Trailer: Old School Aesthetic Forcegasm
Rendar, Bateman, Riff and I trudged out in the cold and snow this morning. Spent $7. Sat through a litany of trailers. And finally got to watch the eighty-eight second Force Awakens teaser. Promptly left the fucking theater. It was probably the highlight of my year. Old school aesthetics, the fucking Falcon, fucking John Boyega, a fucking Sith, fucking FUCK. Yes. Fuck. Fuck.
‘Batman: Arkham Knight’ Gameplay Trailer: Unfathomable Badassery
Fucking resent this trailer for Batman: Arkham Knight. This shit ain’t dropping any time soon, and Rocksteady goes and hangs this fucking stunning gameplay trailer on our heads. Or perhaps around our necks like the Noose called Time. We are just waiting. WAITING. The noose hanging. Heavily. Cutting into our skin. WAITING. For this stunning piece of shit to arrive.
‘True Detective’ S2 News: Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel, seemingly everyone up for female lead
Sweet Shit. At some point the minds behind True Detective are going to have to cast their female lead, right? Like I was just getting comfortable in my Elisabeth Moss/Rachel McAdams internal debate, and now it turns out they’ve invited seven other women to read for the part? E’gads and shit.
‘Batman: Arkham Knight’ dropping June 2, 2015. Holy Bat-Delay
We all knew that Batman: Arkham Knight was delayed until next year. But then came the rumor that it was going to drop in January. Which okay sure is 2015, but it ain’t the end of the world. Well, guess the fuck what. That rumor is as true as Justice and Everlasting Peace. A fucking pipe dream. Bat-Guy: Arkham Night ain’t dropping until the middle of next year.
‘Destiny’ Venus Gameplay Trailer: Epic Battle On The Second Planet
Bungie! Just fucking stop. Stop dropping these teasers for Destiny. Less than a month away, but I don’t want to wait any longer. Take my fucking money, now. Or if you don’t want to, then please lord stop entering these trailers into my gooey guts. I can’t take it.
‘EPISODE VII’ Rumor: Movie Delayed Until 2016 ‘Cause of Ford’s Injury
SIGH. I didn’t want to talk about this here. ‘Cause just thinking about it plunges me into a pall so deep, so great, that only German latex frottage can salvage my heart. But since everyone else is digi-gabbing about it. Star Wars: Episode VII could be delayed until 2016 due to Harrison Ford’s injury. Or rewritten. I’d much rather have a delay than a rewrite, but I’d prefer to just get in December. Give him a fucking robot leg or something. THE TECHNOLOGY IS THERE.
E3 2014: ‘UNCHARTED 4: A THIEF’S END’ Trailer: Drake’s Last Crusade?
There are no words or phrases that could properly describe the fanboy squeal I let out upon seeing Nathan Drake’s next-gen model. But here are some attempts: pathetic, vaguely lustful, high-pitched, horny?, excited, jacked, pumped, somewhat sad, and overly excited.
THE WOZ was so good at ‘TETRIS’ that NINTENDO POWER banned his scores
The Woz, man. What a fucking life he’s led. I had no idea that on top of the whole co-founding the Apple Computer thing, he was also busy totally dominating the Tetris game. To the point where Nintendo Power banned his ass from their High Scores. Didn’t stop him though. Hell naw.
Report: NASA totally *can’t afford* manned missions to Mars
So like, bummer. NASA has issued forth a report that finds that the agency cannot afford manned missions to Mars. Inflation and all that happy horseshit precludes the Great Journey. But they ain’t giving up, instead asking the U.S. government to up said budget. C’mon, Uncle Sam. Hook it the fuck up.
