#April2015
‘Miracleman by Gaiman & Buckingham’ dropping in September
The first issue of Miracleman by Gaiman & Buckingham (is that seriously the fucking name) will drop in September. The release will be the realization of that miraculous (HAHAHA) announcement back in September 2013 that the famed franchise would see its Gaiman-run completed.
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‘Furious 7’ Super Bowl Trailer: A car jumps from f**king building to building
Yesterday I made the proclamation that the less the F&F franchise gives a shit, the better the movies are. Apparently Furious 7 is going to be the best.
Shh: Microsoft hiring for “top secret” Xbox projects.
Microsoft wants YOU, fuckboy!, for their Top Secret Xbox projects. Provided of course that you have the leet skillz required to execute their astounding vision. What could it be? Kinect with responsive teledildonics? A VR headset like everyone else? I can only imagine.
NBD: CHRIS PRATT looking hot as f**k on set of ‘JURASSIC WORLD.’
Fuck you, Chris Pratt. And fuck your talent, humor, and now that you’ve put down the Klondike Bars, your irrepressible beauty. This picture from the set of Jurassic World with you rockin’ it on a motorcycle is a whole new level of unfair. Hit the jump to join me in my revelry.
E3 2014: ‘THE ORDER: 1886’ Trailer: Delayed Steampunk Swoon
I was pretty butt hurt when I first heard The Order: 1869-24-Numbers was getting delayed. Rubbing my dumper and muttering “Fucking DelayStation, yeha~~!” like the cool haters. But after watching this trailer last night, I’m all like. Oh. Shit. Take your time. This is looking wonderful. Rub it. Stroke it. To a glimmer. Nay, to a blinding sheen.
‘STAR WARS’ launches INSTAGRAM account with DARTH VADER SELFIE. Blargh.
Did you need anymore proof that Darth Vader has been beaten into the ground? Stripped of his fear-inducing presence by constant whoring out to various promotions? Well, if you did — here it is. Star Wars has gotten itself an Instagram account, and the first official picture is that of Vader taking a selfie.
Hit the jump to bask in the suck.
‘FINAL FANTASY VI’ coming to iOS, Android. ALSO GETTING SUPER WIMPY NERFED.
FFVI may be dropping on mobile platforms, but it isn’t going to be my fucking FFVI. Naw. Not at all. They’re casualizing (fuck you — it’s my own word) the entire fucking enterprise. Reducing grinding. Fucking assholes eliminating remnants of the good old days when you had to fucking earn your Ribbons. Kiss my ass, everyone involved.
‘TITANFALL’ GAMEPLAY TRAILER: The reason I’ll buy an Xbox One
Respawn Entertainment’s Xbox One exclusive has gotten itself a gameplay trailer, and my goodness. I’m not one to lean on hyperbole for descriptiveness (heh), but watching this trailer literally compelled my dong-tip to burst forth off the shaft. It fluttered about the room, running up the corners of the walls in a hysteria. After finally exhausting itself of its unexplained kinetic energy, it fell listlessly into the aquarium. Where the angelfish ate it.
First official ‘X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST’ IMAGE. The Mutants Go Psychadelic.
Here is a little nerdery to cap off your weekend. An official image for X-Men: Days of Future Past has dropped, and it’s totally dripping with the era of its time. Back to the Future! Past! Or something. Hit the jump to check it out.
NASA abandons repair plans for KEPLER TELESCOPE. Goodnight, Sweet Prince.
After finding roughly three-fucking-zillion exoplanets, it appears that the Kepler telescope is no longer going to hunt for the little balls of hope out there in the cosmos. It was a good goddamn run. But it needs repairs to maintain its accuracy, and NASA says they probably wouldn’t take.
