Shh: Microsoft hiring for “top secret” Xbox projects.

Steve Ballmer is ready.

Microsoft wants YOU, fuckboy!, for their Top Secret Xbox projects. Provided of course that you have the leet skillz required to execute their astounding vision. What could it be? Kinect with responsive teledildonics? A VR headset like everyone else? I can only imagine.


Microsoft’s Xbox division has formed a new development team which the company says is working on “top-secret” projects that will “push the envelope of today’s and tomorrow’s technology as we explore new ideas from the ground floor.”

job listing posted on the Microsoft site calls for a senior software engineer to join the team, a position which the company claims “comes with risks.” The project is clearly based on some future iteration of Kinect, though little further information is offered.

“If you’re passionate about the potential for Kinect to continue to revolutionize entertainment and are a seasoned software engineer with the skills to prototype and build the future of premium Kinect-powered experiences, we have a growing team of talented people who want to take entertainment into the future,” states the ad.

Microsoft is looking for someone with a history of completing projects, and a passion for experimental Kinect projects. The company says it is happy to “fail fast” with the future of its movement / voice-based controller.

“Joining this team comes with risks. Most of what we work on is top-secret,” adds the cryptic posting. “You may not know what your new project is until you’ve accepted an offer. Not all of our ideas will fly. We will fail, and fail fast, on some projects. We will celebrate those failures because they are vital to making sure the right ideas take off in a big way. If you want a comfortable, standard-role job at Microsoft with no ambiguity or risk, please don’t apply.”

Microsoft has long been rumored to be working on head-mounted wearable computingdevices as well as virtual reality and augmented reality projects that are likely to be connected with Xbox and Kinect.

Seriously though — I don’t know. I’m a mark for the words “top secret” and technology. And then my mind invariably sidetracks to something involving my cock.