Listen, why any motherfuckers focusing on the “only on one side” portion of this story? Silly! Dumb! Instead, let’s be stoked that fucking water vapor has been found on Europa.
You know, with Reality on Fire, it’s easy to miss dope news like this. Check this shit out. The oceans of Jupiter’s moon Europa? May be fucking habitable.
Oh, hell yeah. Jupiter’s moon Europa? That motherfucker? It’s got actual water geysers. Confirmed. It had been suspected, but now we know. And, fuck, let’s get out there ASAP.
NASA has confirmed it’s going to Jupiter’s moon Europa, folks. Launching a sumbitch up into the Cosmos to hunt for life. Expected launch date? Somewhere between 2033 and 2035.
Jupiter’s Moon Europa got the right kinda of water to support life. So. Well. You got that shit or not, Europa?
Jupiter’s Moon Europa got that salty water underneath its surface. Which, apparently, is the right kind of water to support life. Like, nice! Now, let’s see if it actually has it.
Yo, Jupiter! Fucking chill, bro. Apparently you may be cracking your moon Europa with your tremendous magnetic field. Which, okay I’ll grant you, is pretty fucking bad ass.
Jupiter’s moon Europa got five-story spikes of ice. Sounds dope, makes landing on the moon a pain in the ass
Space is fucking metal, my dudes. Jupiter’s moon Europa has got five-story spikes of ice! This sounds fucking dope! However, it makes the prospect of landing on Europa decidedly more difficult.
NASA is fixing to send a life-detecting lander to Europa! Hey, detect that life, folks. Cause god knows how much longer we’re going to have it here, right? Too morbid? Too morbid!
Elon Musk is taking our asses to Mars. Maybe. So like, can someone get on settling Europa? NASA has found further evidence of water plumes on the moon, furthering the idea that it has subsurface oceans. Fucking astounding.
Today was the first day of development for NASA’s mission to get us to Europa. Where we will find life. Giant, multi-tittied omnisexual telepathic beings, who will have no time for us monkeys and our cruelties.