I spent a considerable amount of time running up to Days of Future Past talking shit about the movie, and specifically about its director. So defenders of the movie from the jump, fart right in my mouth. I’ll let you. ‘Cause I enjoyed it. Ain’t too proud to admit it. And then take a victory lap with complimentary flick of my balls with your finger(s) of choice, as a means of celebrating Singer’s return of the next flick.
Greetings, Earthlings! Martians! Transdimensional Omnigendered Omnisexual Multi-Dolphins! This is Monday Morning Commute. It’s currently Memorial Day here in the Empire, which means most of us are stuffed with hormone-soaked meats and oat sodas. But sadly the day shall pass, the long weekend shall end, and we will be (those of us fortunate enough to have the days off) staring into the Gaping Maw of the Work Week. This column is the various things I am looking forward to, to yank me through the shortened grind. Share your own dalliances, fools!
Hey fuckers! This is Weekend Open Bar. The 48-hour+ column where anything goes! Your one-stop chance to spout off about how The Illuminati is throwing games of Titanfall, comment on a show you’re marathoning this weekend, or post pictures of your genitals.
Oh Shit! Caff-Pow up in your cereal! Eating allllllllllllllllll the fucking marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, and you’ll like it! Anyways so yeah it appears that Rendar is still locked in the fucking bathroom or something. His cock stuck, somehow simultaneously sizzling and dripping, in his Ryan Gosling plushie. So it’s me. You. And our choices for Monday Morning Commute. The rundown on what we’re looking forward to this week.
I say fucking god dammit! All a man wants to do is find the gorgeous, gorgeous covers to the Days of Future Past by John Byrne. But I don’t get that! Oh no! Instead I’m ocular-fucked by a cavalcade of heinous renditions of Quicksilver and shit. Jesus Lord save me. A thousand plagues of locust upon the House Singer! Upon the House Fox!
Hit the jump to glimpse into the Singer darkness.
This image is pure gold. Pure fucking golden stupidity. Like, I thought the fetish wear that Bryan Singer had everyone going around in was terrible, but Jesus Christ. Just look at this Beavis. It’s so bad that I want to clap in appreciation.
Here is a little nerdery to cap off your weekend. An official image for X-Men: Days of Future Past has dropped, and it’s totally dripping with the era of its time. Back to the Future! Past! Or something. Hit the jump to check it out.
Viral campaign in the house! Here is a trailer for Trask Industries’ Sentinels Program. I mean, what can go wrong with them? Not sure? Days of Future Past will do well to edify your ass.
The thing about Days of Future Past is that the production features roughly three-thousand actors. It’s massive like wut, like wut. So forgive me if I have forgotten that The King of Tits and Wine will be up in this movie as well. We have gotten a look at the aforementioned King, and he is rocking quite the impressive mustache. Sleazy, bitty-boning mustache.
Fuck Bryan Singer, can’t you let us fans of the Marvel movie universe have nice things? A week or whatever after Quicksilver is confirmed for Avengers 2, you come out and let the world know you’re featuring him (played by a different actor than in A2) in your upcoming nightmare.