Here’s a whole fucking panoply of news regarding the next Jimmy Bond flick. It’s dropping next November 6, its title is Spectre, and its cast is tremendous.
In a world of ever-expansive media hype, it takes more and more to garner the ocular-mush plates of us pop culture whores. We must be herded, constantly, like fucking goats. So it’s come down to this, and I’m wallowing in it like a pig and shit: announcements that announcements are coming.
I’m about to show what an ignorant turd-huffer I am when it comes to Bond. There are rumors that Christoph Waltz is going to be playing Blofeld, who is a classic villain from the franchise. Anddd…I don’t know the dude.
Is there anything you wouldn’t want to see Christoph Waltz in? Oh, Green Hornet you say? I ain’t never seen it but I appreciate your contribution. My personal response? Fuck naw! And I definitely ain’t opposed to seeing him up in my favorite Spy Flick Franchise.
Good for fucking Dave Bautista, man. Dude was one of the biggest surprises in Guardians of the Galaxy for me, proving to be more than an ass-kicking wunderkind. Then news broke that he’s going to be all up in Avengers 3. And now the dude is going to be holding it down as the villain in Bond 24. Wonderful news for the Beefy One.
Say what you will about Skyfall, I think we can at least agree it was fucking beautiful. So when word came out that cinematographer Roger Deakins wouldn’t return for Bond 24, frowns were understandable. However! Perhaps dry those tears, folks. ‘Cause a wonderful replacement has been found.
Bond 24 continues to coalesce into an actual thing. Hot off the news of a potential villain being cast last week (can it be hot off the press if it happened a week ago?), is the news that Penelope Cruz is joining the flick.
That talented son of a bitch Chiwetel Ejiofor may be taking his talents to the World of Bond. Which is fine by me. Fuck, any film that casts the dude is taking a step in the right direction. But having him throw down with Jimmy B is a particular shade of delicious for this spy-loving fanboy over here.
Someone must have mashed-up some of my anti-anxiety meds, and put them in Sam Mendes’ mashed potatoes. The good sir has gone from being like “I want to puke when I think about directing another Bond” to likely helming the next two installments.
I’m the token Skyfall masturbator around here, and I don’t give a shit. No one likes it as much as me, and I generally accept their criticisms. Even with them acknowledged, the combination of Daniel Craig whupping ass and Sam Mendes’ gorgeous visuals had me sprung. So, it is with a heavy heart that I read this dispiriting news.
Now go bring in Christopher Nolan, MGM. Do it.